Beauty (Inside and Out)

I think I was at the airport on a business trip when I read this article. It was about looking, feeling and being beautiful. While taking the quiz in the article, I learned so much about who I think I want to become someday that I tore the pages out of the magazine to remember for myself. Take a look at this quiz. What answers do you have for each question?

Part I. Looking Beautiful
1. Select the body below that most closely corresponds to yours.

2. Then select the body you want (not the one that you think others might).

For the remaining questions, enter a number from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7 (strongly agree).
3. "I am happy with the way my face looks." ___
4. "There is nothing about my face that I would change, even if I could." ___
5. "I am happy with the skin on my face." ___
6. "I am happy with my hair and the way I take care of it." ___

Scoring: For questions 1 and 2 count the number of bodies between the two you picked: If there are 6 or 7 bodes, enter 1;
5 bodies, enter 3;
2 bodies, enter 12,
1 body, enter 15;
0 bodies, enter 18.
If you chose the same body (congratulations), enter 21.

Add that number to the numbers you gave to questions 3 though 6 ___

If your score is:
4 to 18: There's a lot about your appearance that bothers you. You probably feel bad whenever you look in the mirror. The truth is, although it may take work, there are many things you can do to improve your appearance.
19 to 30: You don't feel like putting a paper bag over your head, but you aren't thrilled with the way you look, either. It may be that you want to change your body, face, or hair-and you can, so it won't be ong before this score starts to go up.
31 to 39: Just because you may enjoy catching a glimpse of your reflection in a shop window, that doesn't mean there aren't a few upgrades you'd like to make.l
40 to 49: Frankly, we're suprirsed you had time to fill out this survey between modeling gigs. All we can say is, stay out of the sun, wear your seat belt, and keep your feet on the ground.

Part II: Feeling Beautiful
How true do you find these statements? Enger a number from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7(strongly agree).
7. "I have not felt any physical pain today." ___
8. "In a typical week, I don't feel any pain." ___
9. "I have the energy I need to do what I want to do." ___
10. "When I wake up in the morning, I feel energetic." ___
Scoring: Togal your answers from questions 7 through 10: ____

Interpreting the number
If your score is:
4 to 14: You may have chronic pain, which makes you feel tired. And because your body hurts, you can't exercise as much as you'd like, so you're dragging even more. Working to improve your health is important for you.
15 to 21: Sometimes you're relieved just to get through the day-certainly not a recipe for feeling radiant. There is a lot you can do to feel better and increase your energy level.
22 to 28: No tmuch keeps you from doing what you want to do . The trick is to maintain your good health.

Part III:
Being Beautiful:

11. In general, how happy or unhappy do you usually feel? Choose only one statement and write the letter here: ___
(a) Extremely happy: ecstatic, joyous, fantastic!
(b) Very happy: really good, elated!
(c) Pretty happy: spirits high, feeling good.
(d) Mildly happy: feeling failry good and somewhat cheerful.
(e) Slightly happy: just a bit above neutral.
(f) Neutral: not particularly happy or unhappy.
(g) Slightly unhappy: just a bit below neutral.
(h) Mildly unhappy: a little low.
(i)Pretty unhappy: somewhat blue, spirits down.
(j) Very unhappy: depressed, spirits very low.
(k) Extremely unhappy: utterly depressed, completely down.

How true are these statements? Enter a number from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7 (strongly agree).
12. "I'm satisfied with my life." ___
13. "If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing."
14. "I am very comfortable with myself." ___
15. "I perform well at many things." ___
16. "I find inner strength from my prayers, meditations, or quieting my mind." ___
17. "I believe that on some level my life is intimately connected to all of mankind." ___

Scoring: For question 11, choose the number that corresponds to the letter you picked. Write it here: ___

a) 11, (b) 10, (c) 9, (d) 8, (e) 7, (f) 6, (g) 5, (h) 4, (i) 3, (j) 2, (k) 1

Add this number to the answers from questions 12 through 17: ___

Interpreting the number:

If your score is:

7 to 19: You're not that happy with life-or yourself. Other people may be down on you, too. You might want to talk to a therapist or counselor if you aren't doing so already. Depression afects many people and can stop you from seeing your own beauty.

20 to 31: There are days when you think you could be happier and doing better at living up to your potential. You can definitely work on being more effective, and beautiful in the broadest sense of the word. You may also want to work on your spiritual health - there's good evidence it can increase your life satisfaction.

32 to 42: Overall, you feel pretty good about your place in the universe. Since you can still be hard on yourself, it's wise to work on making that hapen less often.

43 to 53: You have a lot of inner and outer beauty, which is why you're probably already continuing your quest for improvement.

Part IV: Understanding You

From the list below, pick the 5 characteristics that you think most accurately describe you. Since our greatest strengths are often invisible to us, you may want to get feedback from people who know you well.

______, _______, _______, _______, _______

Smart, Confident, Easygoing
Knowledgeable, Inventive, Moral
Honest, Organized, Rich
Excellent writer, Powerful, Sexy
Funny, Humble, Passionate
Empathetic, Reliable, Supportive
Great parent, Outgoing, Athletic
Excellent cook, Excellent caretaker, Very sexually active
Caring, Rational, Stylish
Gentle, Conventional, Wise
Musical, Personalbe, Famous
In excellent shape, Giver (of time or money), Loyal
Strict, Authentic, Unflappable
Capable, Unconventional, Independent
Watchful, Dependent, Leader
Entertaining, Neat, Monogamous
Great friend, Breadwinner, Content
High achiever at work, Holder of high standards, Inspiring
Artistic, Good-looking, Spontaneous
Excellent hostess, Politically active, Married/partnered

19. Now go back to the list and pick 5 words - the same or different - that describe the potential you, the person you'd ideally like to be.
_________, ________, _______, _________, ________

Scoring: Tally how many words overlap between the two lists you made. For each word that is the same, add 6 points (if no words overlap, you score is 0 points; if all 5 are the same, your score will be 30 points).

Interpreting the number

If your score is:

0: You are not the person you want to be. Fortunately the characteristics you circled are things you can change.

1 to 18: You've started to achieve your ideals but you have a lot more work to do.

19 to 30: You're well on your way. Keep it up.

Add your scores from each of the four sections to determine your "You-Q": The closer you are to your ideal. Your score tells you how good you feel about who you are. It also offers a sense of how well you've been able to address changes and challenges. When you feel that you're living to your full potential, you're at your most authentically beautiful.

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In the margins of the article, I had kept my score:

Part I: 37

This seems like a pretty high number. Despite the few extra pounds that I would like to lose, I guess I still have a pretty good physical self-image.

Part II: 17

This is a pretty average number. I need to work on my muscle tightness, which causes some pain. Also, I need to find more energy, somewhere. I'm not sure where.

Part III: 41

According to the quiz, this score reflects that I am pretty happy on average, so I was a little surprised. This number seems unusually high when taking into account that I was very unhappy at work when I took the quiz. Also, the number is higher than expected since I sometimes feel like I am not making the most of my life, and feel a void at times. However, it goes to show that in spite of the void one feels, I am generally a happy person.

Part IV: What I think I am: "Smart, Caring, Holder of high standards, Honest, Capable."

What I want to become: "Wise, Confident, Caring, Content, Capable"

I had a hard time choosing 5 words to describe myself, and an even harder time finding words to describe what I want to become. Looking back on these words, I think I would revise my choices:

Now, what I think I am: "Smart, Capable, Holder of high standards, Independent, Married/partnered."

Now, what I want to become: "Passionate, Holder of high standards, Independent, Unconventional, Confident"

I have a feeling that these words will continue to evolve...

I'm back...

Sorry, it's been so long since I've written in this blog. I have been on a sort of break. Well, in summary, I got laid off, got hired by another company in the following month, and well, it was a lot of change all at once. I didn't feel like blogging, or doing anything creative for that matter. I just wanted to sit, and take things in, let myself adapt to my new job for a while.

I told everyone that I was going to sit and do nothing until I got bored, which for people who have known me in recent years, is unusual behavior, since having adventures has been my goal in my late 20s and early 30s. However, when viewed in context of my entire life, being a boring coach potato is not so unusual. I have had years strung together where I didn't travel, didn't create anything, didn't feel passionate about anything at all. In the past 6 months, that has been what I have been feeling (or not feeling). I didn't feel particularly fond about anything, or excited to do anything in particular. I anesthetized myself by surfing the internet, playing video games (more on this at some poinjt), going to the gym.

Just a little more insight into my mental journey: being laid off is not fun. As much as I claimed that my self-esteem was unperturbed, being laid off is traumatizing. I wish I hadn't wasted my time at the company. I was miserable at the place, and was a fish out of water. However, I also realized how much more I needed to learn and improve, and I did learn and improve in some ways.

On the other hand, joining my new company has been a good/strenous experience. Within my first week at my new company, I felt like I had been there forever. I fit right in with my coworkers, and was back to doing the type of work I like, challenging medical device design. However, I felt like bursting into tears each week, and did. Because I was contract-to-hire, and the manager was inscrutable, I felt like I was walking on eggshells, which is not a good feeling coming off of a layoff, after which you are not feeling good about yourself anyway. The emotional stress of being a contractor was enough to lay me low for a while.

Fortunately, I was hired to full-time status recently. With the full-time hire, has come a subtle change in my work attitude. I have been working non-stop -- (is it to impress my boss? because I care that much?) I just haven't had time to have a life outside of work.

Finally, lately I've been experiencing a subtle spiritual shift. Part of this shift has been: instead of always seeking/achieving, maybe I should just enjoy life. My mantra these days is "to be in the moment", because maybe that is all there really is to life. (I don't want to always be yearning and find that I missed out on being happy.) Well, I'm a little sick of "being in my moment." What I am trying to figure out is how to strike a balance between enjoying my mundane coach potato life, and actually engaging with life. How to enjoy day to day existence yet, being passionate again, meeting new and interesting people and having interesting adventures.

Gratitude

Today, I am grateful for:

(1) Leading a good discussion at work today. Brought everyone on the same page.
(2) Having good, stimulating conversations.
(3) Making progress on painting the master bedroom. It feels good to have a project. Also, sleeping on the mattress in the living room is like having an extended sleepover party.

Gratitude Journal

I am trying to write everyday what I am grateful for. Today, I am grateful for:

(1) Today, I had a challenge that will test my wisdom and self-awareness. I am grateful to catch early on some negative seeds being planted regarding my attitude at my new work place. I will not let these negative seeds take root.
(2) The delicious homemade tangerine, blueberry and pomegranate smoothie that I made this evening. Pure antioxidants at work. I think I am going to make a healthy smoothie once or twice a week after we work out.
(3) Learnings I gained at work today that I was excited about.
(4) Moments of stillness that I had while jogging. I could smell jasmine in the air.
(5) Meaningful conversations I had with coworkers.
(6) The fact that I love my work, which is essentially designing.
(7) A kind of a humorous moment. I had a huge blueberry stain on my face from the smoothie I was drinking, and my husband didn't notice because he was too busy watching TV. Someday, I am going to where ketchup on my nose to see if he notices.

Gratitude Journal

Today, I am grateful:

(1) That we are doing such a good job saving money on food. We are cooking up a storm and eating up the leftovers. Today's leftovers: Greek Orzo salad, and homemade red Thai curry (not necessarily together).
(2) For learning a good lesson yesterday. I learned that I can be very harsh towards people who I assume are not curious about the world. I have already been trying not to be judgemental towards ignorant, or stupid people. But I should try to be open-minded on a whole different scale than I have previously; I should be patient and compassionate for sheltered, blindered people who don't want to perceive the view outside their own windows!
(3) For getting kudos for an engineering project of my own volition. In order to portray that an alternative was possible, I thought it best to show people a prototype. So, I spent the morning in the machine shop, snipping, drilling and gluing and came up with a prototype that surprised people with its simplicity and directness. Although the solution that I came up with doesn't work, I hope that it inspires other creative ideas.

Gratitude Journal

I read somewhere that gratitude is the antidote for the complaining mind. And my mind certainly complains. So here are some things I am grateful for:

(1) I am grateful for the wonderful weather. As of this very moment, I am writing outside on my patio, in shorts and a tank top. A glass of dry Reisling is at my side.
(2) I still feel joy when I see my husband's face after only a couple of hours of separation.
(3) I am glad that my body is healthy and strong. There are other women who do not have the time to exercise frequently as I do. I indulged today and spent 2 hours at the gym with an additional 45 minutes of stretching and cooldown.
(4) Did I mention I love the wonderful weather?
(5) I am thankful and grateful at being employed so quickly after being laid off.
(6) I am also grateful that I love the job, although I have only been there one month.

A Big Life

What does a big life entail? I am making a list of 100 things in hopes that they magically happen!

(1) Projects to be passionate about.
(2) To feel empowered and not be reined in creatively (at home and at work).
(3) To live bravely. (Think of the Gryffindors from the Harry Potter series.)
(4) To travel to places I have never been.
(5) To see things from a broad and worldly perspective.
(6) To be able to appreciate a broad range of oeuvres: music, painting, even math (yes math can be appreciated as an oeuvre)
(7) To always maintain my childish joy in life.
(8) To live without worrying about what other people think
(9) Do something that makes you feel a little bit of fear on a daily basis.
(10) To gracefully bear with the pain that life sometimes has to offer. To not live in the shadows due to fear of life's pain.
(11) To live, questioning convention.
(12) To be rebellious.
(13) To separate oneself from the rat race of acquiring more and more materials.
(14) To separate oneself from the "Keeping up with the Joneses" competition.
(15) To see with my own eyes Big Nature: Grand Canyon, Everest, underwater
(16) To not have a "small town" attitude.
(17) To continue to feel great love.
(18) To continue to feel with exuberance.
(19) To be exuberantly generous.
(20) Try interesting food.
(21) Having interesting and fascinating friends and aquaintances.
(22) To live big, but with wisdom and grace.
(23) Having interesting ideas and discussions.
(24) To have high standards for quality.
(25) To live life with a tolerant attitude.

It's funny, but these are things that not all people wish for. A lot of people strive for wealth. Some people (like my husband) strives for a feeling of inner peace. There are yet others who strive for social status. Kind of funny in a way... To be continued...