Rolfing Massage - Session 1

So, I think I began my first Rolfing session. Last week, I met Rolfer, Kelly Armstadt for potentially the first session in the Rolfing 10-part series. This was the direct result of writing down some of my non-travel related bucket list items for the new year, which included experiencing Rolfing. (And I love me a list to cross off.)

Just in case you don’t know, Rolfing is a special type of massage therapy which focusses on myofascial release for lasting pain relief, and for radically restructuring bodies. After undergoing the regimented 10-part series, people’s posture, and general biomechanics are purportedly more aligned and more efficient. Search the internet for “Rolfing” and you will see an abundance of before-and-after pictures. It is also known for: (1) humiliating photos in one’s underwear (see left picture), and (2) being very, very painful due to the deep restructuring. Kelly reassured me, however, that she had stopped taking photos of patients long ago, and that she would be attentive to when the pain wasn’t being beneficial. 

Rolf Body Alignment Before-And-After

Massaging the rib cage

I undressed down to my bra and a pair of hot pants and stood in front of Kelly so that she could see how my body was aligned. As she viewed me from the front, side and behind, I felt surprisingly comfortable, albeit excited to explain to her why I was seeing her: I had some minor pain in my right lower back that nevertheless was limiting my mobility, and I had some concern about improving my body alignment so as to avoid hip problems as I got older. (My mother received hip replacement surgery for both hips.) I finally explained that I am just generally enthused and curious about learning about all forms of bodywork and experimenting on my own body. (I am also entertaining a career as a massage therapist or physical therapist in my retirement, although I didn’t tell Kelly that.)

She explained that she saw some forward pelvic tilt, and some arching of my upper back to compensate, which wasn’t news to me and was what made me want to see a Rolfer in the first place. But she also saw some right shoulder drop, and some flat footedness, which wasn’t something that I had really thought could be addressed with Rolfing. 

After laying down on her heated massage table, I was kind of half hoping that there would be some pain, because my belief is that there is no real improvement unless there is pain, and I wasn’t disappointed. She interspersed soothing strokes with strong pokes with her out-stretched fingers in so many weird places that I couldn’t help but involuntarily yell out in pain. Notably, she didn’t use any massage oil, I think, because fingers need to stick to the skin in order to shear and separate the myofascial tissues connecting skin to underlying muscle.

This first session was about opening the breath. What this means is getting massaged around your sternum and rib cage, which wasn’t as ticklish or invasive as you might think. Nevertheless, it made me nauseous and I asked Kelly to stop so that I could sit up. Kelly told me that my nausea was probably due to being unaccustomed to being opened up in that way. After a few sips of water, I felt better and was ready to continue. Here were the things that were most interesting (read: painful) to me in my first session:

1. Quadratus lumborum - this spot is better accessed from the side, and when she dug her thumb into this area, I yelped. As a part of my self care, I found a near analogue by lying on the ground and using the hooked end of my Therastick as a lever to poke around that area. You need extra leverage because this area is incredibly thick and stiff.
2. That spot on my wrist between the ulnar and radius bones in my fore arm. My left wrist had been in pain, and I hadn’t even addressed that with her. But she found that spot on her own and bore down on it. Afterwards my wrist felt much better,
3. The gluteus medius - this was so painful that it felt like she was bruising me rather than massaging me. But the pain is so worth it because you can feel your hip lengthen, and oddly you feel super sedated after being pushed down on this area.

After the session was done, I noticed a dramatic change in the way that I was feeling. And that feeling translated to how I stood. My pelvis was not as forward tilted and my torso also felt longer. I felt like my lower back pain was noticeably improved as well. Unfortunately, a week has passed, and most of the stiffness and pain came back, probably due to sitting a lot at my job, and also due to some of the emotional patterns that I continue to manifest in my body. I have a feeling that undergoing the Rolfing 10 part series, may not be sufficient. However, I will still proceed with the Rolfing, just to satisfy my own curiosity, and to continue learning about my own body and methods for self-care.

  

Peter And Wendy - A Review

A mounted photograph from “The Castaway Boys of Black Lake Island”, one of the inspirations behind the tale of "Peter And Wendy"

This review is part of my effort to write down a few words for every book that I read.

“Peter And Wendy” is the children’s book by J. M. Barrie which, along with the play, inspired the classic Walt Disney animation, “Peter Pan”. I was motivated to read the book because Gretchen Rubin, the book author, and self-professed book lover recommended it. Also, I really enjoy historic children's literature. Disclosure, I have not yet seen the Disney film so I cannot provide much comparison with it.

What I initially found fascinating about the book was it’s backstory. The author, J.M. Barrie was a successful playwright in England who eventually formed a tight-knit friendship with several young boys and their widowed mother, Sylvia Llewelyn Davies in the 1890s. The imaginative stories he invents for the boys to play-act later became the basis for “the boy who never grew up”.

The friendship between J. M. Barrie and the Llewelyn Davies family was famously deep and unusual. The author, himself, was in a sexless marriage, and Sylvia, the mother, was young, attractive and widowed. However, their relationship never progressed beyond a close familial friendship. This was probably because Barrie was a gay man, although his sexuality was never identified conclusively. Nevertheless, their relationship was so close that Sylvia eventually granted Barrie guardianship of her children upon her early death from cancer.

The family was deeply imaginative, and they enthusiastically took part in the playacting Barrie initiated. And the playing took on a vibrant intensity that I think was unusual. For example, The “Boy Castaways of Black Lake Island”, a novel that is enshrined at the rare books library at Yale, illustrates their adventures with mounted photographs and shows their deep investment to fantasy life. The deepness of their friendships, and their deep commitment to their fantasy life was eventually portrayed in the movie, “Neverland”, starring Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet.

As for the book itself, I found it very well-written, laugh out loud funny, and not a little bit weird. The book is full of hallucinatory images that could have been the result of a drug-induced mind. I found it curious that the play preceded the book since many of its surreal scenes could not have been reproduced on a theater stage. For example, the Lost Boys enter and exit their underground home by shimmying up and down tree holes like worms. The father of Wendy imprisons himself inside their dog’s kennel. So serious is his commitment to inhabiting the kennel that he even goes to work and to fancy parties while inside the kennel.

Lastly, I found the book’s attitude towards Never Land, and to fantasy, to be a little ambiguous. The whole assertion is that children’s imaginations are real, Never Land is real, and it is only because we stop believing as adults that we can no longer see Peter Pan, or go back to Never Land. However, while the children are in Never Land, they acknowledge that some of their play is NOT real. Sometimes they go to sleep hungry from the lack of real food, or when Peter Pan insists on eating pretend food. When the boys kill pirates, or when the Indians die, the deaths are taken lightly, as it would whenever children play. Peter Pan is the only character who is fully committed to their shared reality.

NON-travel Bucket List - Very Achievable

I just read a New York Times article about how you should inform your doctor about your bucket list so that they can appropriately prescribe treatment. In the article, there was a patient with terminal cancer that the doctor was treating, whose dream it was to vacation in Maui, but his cancer treatments would have probably kept him from this lifetime goal. Once he started chemotherapy, he would not have had the energy to board a plane, let alone vacation in Hawaii. And the likelihood of him recovering after the treatment was low. So his doctor recommended that he take his trip to Maui, and begin treatments when he came back. This got me to thinking what my bucket list should be. I hope to die with few regrets, at least from an experiential standpoint. I’ve written about travel-related goals before, and I have also written about “dream big” goals, before as well. Both of these types of goals are worthwhile, however, I just haven’t been excited about traveling, or dreaming big lately. So here, I’m going to list something I haven’t before — goals that are NOT travel-related, and that are VERY achievable. Some of these goals are intellectual in nature, and others are simply food related. 

1. Grow another vegetable garden. In particular I would like to cultivate fresh herbs (such as thyme, rosemary, basil), and collard greens and kale. Since moving into our condominium, we haven’t been able to do this.
2. Own a statement purse. I’ve owned several beautiful brand name purses in the past but nothing as luxurious and frivolous as Dior, Saint Laurent or Celine.
3. Go to a Silent Meditation retreat.  As soon as I wrote this goal down, I applied to attend a silent meditation retreat, putting a deposit down and everything. I hope I get selected. So excited!!! 
4. Finish writing my book (and start another). I vowed to begin working on my unfinished novel this weekend, but got diverted by writing this blog post instead.
5. Listen to good speakers and learn audiophile terminology. 
6. Receive Rolfing 10-part Structural Integration massage treatment. As soon as I wrote this goal down, I contacted a well-reviewed Rolfer in my area. 
7. Learn facial exercises for improving my facial appearance. Another NYT article was written about this. A study showed that facial exercises subtract years off your face. 
8. Make more clothes. I just bought some scrap Marimekko material that should make a nice top. 
9. Take a self-defense class, such as Krav Maga.
10. Learn how to play guitar.
11. Be a part of a startup from its inception. So far, I’ve only been employee #13.
12. Take a massage class.
13. Take a philosophy class
14. Eat an omakase meal at a sushi bar
15. Learn rudimentary Mandarin
16. Learn rudimentary Cantonese
17. Eat at a lobster boil

So far, just clarifying my goals has already gotten me on my way with at least two of the above goals. I have put an appointment down for a Silent Meditation retreat, and I’ve contacted someone to start my Rolfing treatment. 

Chicago Christmas Trip

This Christmas, Mark and I visited my hometown of Chicago, after what seemed like a 5 year hiatus.  Usually we visit Mark's family in Seattle over the holidays, but I owed it to my Mom to visit her in Chicago for Christmas this time.

My Chicago trip was a homecoming of sorts. I reunited with 2 high school friends I hadn't seen in over 20 years. I had a stomach ache just stressing about meeting up with them before my trip, because I had no idea what they would be like, and whether or not we still had things in common anymore, or whether or not I would properly remember our shared memories. However, one of my focusses this year (and a New Year's resolution) is to lean into my relationships more, so I forced myself to arrange some meetups. I must stress that it was quite strenuous arranging everyone's schedules. The sound of my iPhone receiving a text messages started to give me heart palpitations and I could feel the stress hormones flooding my veins. But once we set up dates, meeting up became a piece of cake. My 2 friends were a lot like I had remembered, and where my memory faded, they helped fill in the gaps.

It was fun thinking back on our teenaged adventures: like that time Smitha, Yael and I moshed in the rain on a giant muddy plain at Lollapalooza, and got so filthy, that Smitha was not allowed inside her house before being hosed off. Or the many sleepovers at Hanna's house watching cult classics like "Heathers" and discussing the opposite sex. Anyways, resuming our friendships was a piece of cake. In fact, conversation was so interesting, and conversation passed so easily, that I wonder why I can't find friends who are so easy to talk to here in California.

Dinner at Coco Pazzo with (from Left to Right) me, mom, my cousin Janice, her husband Tim, and Mark

One of our favorite things to do in Chicago was visiting Eataly, where you can shop, and eat in a Italian style food hall

Bunuelos at Frontera Grill - a high end Mexican restaurant helmed by celebrity chef Rick Bayless. This was a restaurant that was on Mark's bucket list.

Deep Dish Pizza Part 1: Lou Malnati's. Apparently, while I was living away from Chicago, a new deep dish pizza place came into vogue. I am more used to the heavy, doughy deep dish pizzas made at Giordano's or Pizzeria Uno. Lou Malnati's pizza was different. It features a lighter, crispier, more buttery crust, and the toppings are not as tomatoey. Chicagoans love it.

Deep Dish Pizza Part II: Giordano's -- the deep dish pizza I am accustomed to from my youth

Viennese Coffee and Breakfast served at Julius Meinl

Niketown in Chicago is always on my list of places to shop. Here I am standing in front of a life size poster of Kevin Durant. I literally come up to his waist.

San Soo Gab San is our favorite Korean BBQ place in Chicago. My childhood friend, Hanna and her husband, Andy were able to join as well. Cousin Janice and husband Tim rounded out the group.

Selfie shot mirrored off the Bean

My friend Smitha, recommended that we visit a speakeasy called The Violet Hour on the hipster neighborhood of Wicker Park.

On a dare at the Lincoln Park Zoo, I sat on Santa's lap after I told Smitha I had never sat on Santa's lap before.

At Christmas, we ate one of the specialty panettones we had bought using my Mom's special china 

My friend, Smitha wanted to visit Zoolights-a free Holiday event at the Lincoln Park Zoo where you can walk around and view the animals while enjoying festive holiday lights. Temperatures had dropped to new lows that Chicago hadn't experienced in decades. Nevertheless we put braved the cold.

References

Coco Pazzo

Eataly Chicago

Frontera Grill

Giordano's 

Julius Meinl

Lou Malnati
The Bean at Millennium Park

Niketown Chicago

The Violet Hour

San Soo Gab San

Zoolights at the Lincoln Park Zoo

“Why We Sleep”

I’ve been trying to find more purpose behind reading books. If I forget what I’ve read, why bother reading anything at all? Of course I love to read. And that should be reason enough to do it. But I’d like to believe that I’m improving myself through reading, whether by learning something new, or just to be an educated, well-read member of society. This is why I vow to write a brief review for every book that I read. The effort it takes to summarize a book consolidates my learnings, and also, when I do forget what I’ve read (why deny the inevitable?), I can review what I learned.

This review is part of my effort to write down a few words for every book that I read.



I was inspired to read, “Why We Sleep - Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams”, after listening to neuroscientist and Berkeley professor, Matthew Walker speak on NPR’s “Fresh Air”. I have always known what a balm sleeping was for illness, and I have always had a basic appreciation for how it healed the body after exercise. What intrigued me, however, was his assertion that sleep is also actually good for our mental health, and emotional regulation.

Have you ever gone to bed, only to wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, worrying about the past day’s events? I have a confession: I am sometimes kept up at night by worry. By morning’s time, however, my anxiety usually is reduced, or completely gone. As a result, I have taken the motto, “sleep on it”, to heart. For me, this motto means that my problems are never truly as bad as they seem at night.

I never came across a good explanation behind my experience until I read Walker’s book. According to Walker, sleep is not only great for your body and other things, but it is also a PAINKILLER FOR YOUR EMOTIONS!!! It is REM dreaming in particular that helps. According to Walker, we often dream about things that have emotional relevance to whatever problems we are undergoing at the moment. (We know this because the emotional parts of our brains fire during REM sleep, and because we ask sleep subjects what they dream about.) This is not terribly surprising. What is unusual is that this occurs while there is a complete absence of noradrenaline in our brains. Noradrenaline is a stress chemical that is normally present. In fact, the only time it is absent is during REM sleep. The heart of Walker’s thesis is this: the act of replaying our emotions in dream form, while no noradrenaline is present, is what anesthetizes us against the pain of our past:

“Is the REM-sleep dreaming state a perfectly designed nocturnal soothing balm—one that removes the emotional sharp edges of our daily lives? It seemed so from everything neurobiology and neurophysiology was telling us (me). If so, we should awake feeling better about distressing events of the day(s) prior.”

There is evidence to suggest he might be right. Sleep studies have shown that subjects who were introduced to traumatic photos experience less emotional charge after sleeping than subjects who were not given a sleep opportunity.

Another data point supporting his thesis is PTSD patients. There is a segment of society for whom sleep does not lessen emotional trauma, for whom time does not heal wounds. This group of people are veterans suffering from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). These people relive emotionally traumatic events as though they had happened yesterday without the lessening of pain we normal people experience through time. It is well known that PTSD patients have disrupted REM sleep. Even more unusually, these people exhibit elevated levels of noradrenaline in their brains during REM sleep, unlike regular people.

The author was pivotal in pioneering a method for treating these veterans by introducing a medicine that reduces their noradrenaline levels while they dreamt. Veterans who underwent this treatment began to have less traumatic dreams, and soon their PTSD symptoms lessened as well. This novel treatment for PTSD patients lends credence to the author’s theory that lowered noradrenaline levels during REM sleep is what helps anesthetize all of us against emotional pain in our lives.


What I found equally revelatory about this book, beyond how sleep helps our emotional well-being, was finding out the biological basis behind each person's chronotype, and why it cannot be changed. A chronotype, in case you did’t know, is what time you prefer to go to sleep, and what time you prefer to wake up each day. A morning person, or a “lark” (as sleep enthusiasts call them), will go to bed early, and who will rise at ungodly times in the morning. Whereas a night person, or an “owl”, will tend to stay active way into the night, and prefer to wake up later. It used to be that night owls were considered lazy and were forced to abide by early riser's schedules. If chronotypes did not have a biological basis, then why is it that sleep preferences change as we age across large swaths of the population? Time and time again, studies have shown that people will tend to late-shift their sleep patterns during adolescence, and early-shift their sleep patterns when they hit retirement age.

Contrary to many’s opinions, and contrary to our lark-favoring society, one’s chronotype cannot be changed, no matter how much willpower you have. Our chronotype is governed by a small part of our brain called the “suprachriasmatic nucleus”. Cued by external signals like the sun, it pumps out a continuous stream of the hormone, melatonin on an approximately 24 hour cycle. A build up of melatonin is what triggers our sleepiness. During sleep, melatonin drops from the system, and the cycle can then begin anew each day. A lark will have an earlier melatonin infusion with respect to the sun than an owl. Because our melatonin production (which cues our sleepiness), is cued by things out of our control like the orbiting of our sun, our specific chronotype cannot be changed.

Why your chronotype is important is because our society is geared towards morning people, which is hugely detrimental to late risers like myself, who cannot adjust their chronotype, and hence suffer the mental and physical consequences as a result. Naturally, if you are an owl like myself, and was forced to wake up too early, this would not only reduce the total amount of sleep I would have, but also would reduce the very important REM sleep that I would be getting in the morning. We get more NREM sleep early in the night, and we get more REM sleep in the morning. REM sleep, as previously stated is super-important to emotional health, but is also supremely important to our social intelligence, and creativity, among other things. By forcing me into a morning person’s schedule, you might very well be making me more depressed, hindering my ability to read social cues, and preventing me from thinking innovatively — all detrimental to living well.

This book has hence made me particularly annoyed at those who glamorize sleeping as little as possible. I have coworkers who profess to having less than 4 hours of sleep a night. I can tell they are sleep deprived from their performances. I get equally angry at institutions like grade schools, which force their students to wake up too early in the morning, which we know is so important to our emotional health, all while their brains are still developing.

We now know much more about “Why We Sleep” than we used to. Hopefully, more people will prioritize their sleep more. It would benefit not only their mental cognition, but also their emotional health.

What to do After a Minor Setback at Work

Have you ever had one of those days when your entire day’s work was wasted? That’s just what happened to me today. This is not so bad in and of itself. However, I’m under a great deal of pressure from the boss right now (I actually prompted myself to work the entire past weekend after my weekly one-on-one with him!) What’s worse, I misrepresented my work to others and just today found out that my stated progress was way over-exaggerated. Anyways, I feel like I’m in a pressure cooker to make up for my lost time. I would love to get my work to a point where I can truly state I’ve made the progress I had previously stated. So, I started thinking of ways that I can quickly recover so that I can start afresh. Here is my list for what to do after a minor setback at work:

1. Have a glass of wine. Ha ha, I’m not kidding. First thing I did when I got home was pour myself some Cabernet. 
2. Complain. To the husband that I had a bad day, and demand a hug.
3. Eat a healthy meal. I realize this is not always going to happen. It was just fortuitous that I came home to a wonderful wild King Salmon meal from my husband. I suppose some hot soup would have done the trick as well.
4. Take a hot shower. Now that I’ve cleaned off the day’s grime, I can think afresh.
5. Acknowledge the good that came out of my day. For instance, even though I made 0% progress to my end goal, I did end up learning a few things that will eventually get me there. 
6. Prepare myself to ask for help. My weakness is asking not asking for enough help, so I’ve steeled myself to be humble and actually ask for some. Tomorrow, I’m going to ask a junior engineer to help me with one of the line items I learned about in bullet above #5. I’m also going to ask the resident expert for some advice.
7. Lay my worries to bed. Write down my learnings and my To Do’s and then forget about it. 
8. Do something relaxing like reading or writing. Writing this blog post, for instance, has helped me!

Best Thanksgiving Turkey Ever!

Browning of the turkey comes from rubbing the skin with duck fat

Okay, the title might be an exaggeration, but honestly, I just baked the best Thanksgiving Turkey I’ve ever baked. Granted, I’ve never liked turkey very much (it usually tastes like cardboard to me). But, I actually enjoyed this one so much that I couldn't resist picking small morsels off the pan with my fingers and popping them in my mouth. Here’s the recipe:

Ingredients:

• 14-15 lb turkey (not brined)
• Herbes de Provence, equal parts:
• 1 tablespoon dried basil
• 1 tbsp dried sage
• 1 tbsp savory
• 1 tbsp marjoram
• 1 tbsp fennel seeds
• 1 tbsp dried oregano
• 1 tbsp dried thyme
• 1 tbsp dried rosemary
• 7-8 teaspoons salt (or half a teaspoon of salt for every lb of turkey)
• 1/4 cup duck fat

Instructions:

1. On the day before Thanksgiving, dry rub the turkey with the herbes de Provence mixture and salt. Separate the skin of the turkey from the turkey meat. This helps to render the fat underneath the skin and helps crisp the skin. Mix a portion of the herbes de Provence with the salt so the salt looks well peppered and rub most of it beneath the skin of the turkey. Cover the turkey with Saran Wrap and place in the oven for 24 hours.
2. On Thanksgiving day, adjust the rack in the oven, and preheat to 400 degrees. While the oven is heating, rub the duck fat all over the turkey skin and salt a bit more. If you want, you can fill the cavity of the turkey with celery, and other leftover aromatics, although it is still unclear to me whether this does anything to flavor the turkey.
3. Put the turkey breast side up on a raised grill over a cookie sheet and insert in the 400 degree oven  for 1:15 or until the skin is slightly browned. Place a tent of aluminum foil over the turkey, and lower the oven temperature to 350 degrees and cook for another 2 hours.
4. Check the turkey temperature 15 minutes before the timer. Remove the turkey when it is 165 degrees. When I checked the temperature, it was around 190 degrees -maybe my thermometer was not calibrated- surprisingly the meat was not overcooked.
5. Let the turkey rest for 30 minutes before carving.

Observation: what really makes this turkey better than any of the other turkeys I’ve made, I think,  was the dry brining, the herbes de Provence, and the duck fat. The duck fat smelled delectable as the turkey roasted, more so than any other Thanksgiving. Lesson learned: when it is necessary to boost flavor, such as when using naturally flavorless meats like turkey, use duck fat!

A short video of the Thanksgiving meal we made for two people, which for some reason, my husband insists on doing every year, even though we had already spent Thanksgiving at my cousin's house.