20 Goals for 2019

I know the year is already half over, but here are my goals for 2019 (this was not finished earlier as my goals kept changing). 

Social Goals

1. Be observant (of other humans)

Stop thinking about myself and observe what others are feeling.

2. Overlook rudeness, and reframe as much as possible.

I learned this from an interview with Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  I've noticed that I tend to misinterpret situations more than 50% of the time. I need to remind myself that, more often than not, people don’t mean to hurt me.  As a clueless engineer working among possibly even more clueless engineers, I should realize I'm bumping up against low EQ (emotional intelligence) rather than malicious intent.

3. Control my anger

Or channel the anger in a skilled way. Try centering myself in the midst of an anger inducing situation, and channeling the anger into making a “boundary” and focussing it in my responses.

4. Get rejected at least once a week 

Rejection is my biggest fear! Hopefully exposing myself to more of it will help me be less fearful of it.

5. Be vulnerable

As I've grown older, I've become more and more private, saving my innermost thoughts only for those close to me. In order to make connections, I need to be more vulnerable, but not in a socially unacceptable way that prematurely forces intimacy, or when the person doesn’t deserve it.

6. Don't be a bully

I get really impatient with people I perceive to be stupid. Or to be absolutely correct, I get really impatient with people who are deluded about their ignorance or lack of skills (see my post about how to handle people like this). I should not discriminate against people on the basis of their ignorance or incompetence, just like I shouldn't discriminate on the basis of gender or sex. I'm only being slightly facetious, here. Stupid is not something one chooses to be.

Physical Goals

7. Take a gym class 3X/week (or spend 60 minutes at the gym).

8. Walk a minimum of 7000 steps on the days that I don’t take a gym class, or do cardio in the gym for 30 minutes instead. 

9. Strengthen my back and core muscles with yoga, pilates, weights and barre.

10. Self-care: Take more steam baths and take better care of my skin.

11. Eat more vegetables and fruit.

12. Minimize the times I eat until I am past full.

Career Goals

13. Try something new at work. Ask my boss if I can represent the company at a conference. Interface with the customer more.
14. Read (or listen to) management, social skills, and communication books to improve my career.
15. Be more curious about the people I work with. Ask them about their day or something personal.
16. Continue to take big design risks. It seems like every time I do something bold, like contributing a design without being asked, it pays off (such as receiving a patent).
17. Dig deeper. Scrape below the surface with my analysis and with my line of questioning.

Fun Goals

18. Have more IRL fun. Don’t be a hermit all the time. Even though I live a rich internal life through books, movies and video games, sometimes I need to remind myself that real life is more piquant. If consuming video games is like candy, hanging out with my friends/family is like a healthy, nourishing meal.
19. Frame more pictures and paintings. Since being denied an office in my new work building, I’ve been obsessed with decorating my cubicle so that I don’t feel so deprived. I’ve decorated my cube with accessories from Ikea and West Elm, and there are now several plants enjoying my primo real estate under the skylight (so bright, I almost need to wear sunscreen every day). Now, I don’t wish for any of the offices (they look like jail cells), and I feel like I’m at the spa every time I work at my desk. I’ve even gotten several compliments on how nice my cube looks, although I think the natural lighting does most of the heavy lifting.
20. Organize a trip with family and/or friends: Thanksgiving in Hawaii? Christmas in Europe? Roadtrip to Disneyland?

Rolfing Massage - Session 1

So, I think I began my first Rolfing session. Last week, I met Rolfer, Kelly Armstadt for potentially the first session in the Rolfing 10-part series. This was the direct result of writing down some of my non-travel related bucket list items for the new year, which included experiencing Rolfing. (And I love me a list to cross off.)

Just in case you don’t know, Rolfing is a special type of massage therapy which focusses on myofascial release for lasting pain relief, and for radically restructuring bodies. After undergoing the regimented 10-part series, people’s posture, and general biomechanics are purportedly more aligned and more efficient. Search the internet for “Rolfing” and you will see an abundance of before-and-after pictures. It is also known for: (1) humiliating photos in one’s underwear (see left picture), and (2) being very, very painful due to the deep restructuring. Kelly reassured me, however, that she had stopped taking photos of patients long ago, and that she would be attentive to when the pain wasn’t being beneficial. 

Rolf Body Alignment Before-And-After

Massaging the rib cage

I undressed down to my bra and a pair of hot pants and stood in front of Kelly so that she could see how my body was aligned. As she viewed me from the front, side and behind, I felt surprisingly comfortable, albeit excited to explain to her why I was seeing her: I had some minor pain in my right lower back that nevertheless was limiting my mobility, and I had some concern about improving my body alignment so as to avoid hip problems as I got older. (My mother received hip replacement surgery for both hips.) I finally explained that I am just generally enthused and curious about learning about all forms of bodywork and experimenting on my own body. (I am also entertaining a career as a massage therapist or physical therapist in my retirement, although I didn’t tell Kelly that.)

She explained that she saw some forward pelvic tilt, and some arching of my upper back to compensate, which wasn’t news to me and was what made me want to see a Rolfer in the first place. But she also saw some right shoulder drop, and some flat footedness, which wasn’t something that I had really thought could be addressed with Rolfing. 

After laying down on her heated massage table, I was kind of half hoping that there would be some pain, because my belief is that there is no real improvement unless there is pain, and I wasn’t disappointed. She interspersed soothing strokes with strong pokes with her out-stretched fingers in so many weird places that I couldn’t help but involuntarily yell out in pain. Notably, she didn’t use any massage oil, I think, because fingers need to stick to the skin in order to shear and separate the myofascial tissues connecting skin to underlying muscle.

This first session was about opening the breath. What this means is getting massaged around your sternum and rib cage, which wasn’t as ticklish or invasive as you might think. Nevertheless, it made me nauseous and I asked Kelly to stop so that I could sit up. Kelly told me that my nausea was probably due to being unaccustomed to being opened up in that way. After a few sips of water, I felt better and was ready to continue. Here were the things that were most interesting (read: painful) to me in my first session:

1. Quadratus lumborum - this spot is better accessed from the side, and when she dug her thumb into this area, I yelped. As a part of my self care, I found a near analogue by lying on the ground and using the hooked end of my Therastick as a lever to poke around that area. You need extra leverage because this area is incredibly thick and stiff.
2. That spot on my wrist between the ulnar and radius bones in my fore arm. My left wrist had been in pain, and I hadn’t even addressed that with her. But she found that spot on her own and bore down on it. Afterwards my wrist felt much better,
3. The gluteus medius - this was so painful that it felt like she was bruising me rather than massaging me. But the pain is so worth it because you can feel your hip lengthen, and oddly you feel super sedated after being pushed down on this area.

After the session was done, I noticed a dramatic change in the way that I was feeling. And that feeling translated to how I stood. My pelvis was not as forward tilted and my torso also felt longer. I felt like my lower back pain was noticeably improved as well. Unfortunately, a week has passed, and most of the stiffness and pain came back, probably due to sitting a lot at my job, and also due to some of the emotional patterns that I continue to manifest in my body. I have a feeling that undergoing the Rolfing 10 part series, may not be sufficient. However, I will still proceed with the Rolfing, just to satisfy my own curiosity, and to continue learning about my own body and methods for self-care.