A Story For When I Feel Pessimistic

There’s a lot in the world to be pessimistic about right now. When Trump was elected, I screamed inside. I didn’t know what kind of country I was going to wake up to the following morning. The country was so vehemently sexist and so full of hatred and anger, that they voted for a malignant, racist, narcissist over arguably the most qualified presidential candidate to ever exist in the history of our country. Now that the mid-term elections are nearing, my mood is in a word: pessimistic. Because of gerrymandering, and because half the country is under the thrall of conservative state TV (Fox), and because terrorist acts perpetrated by violent white men have happened in recent days, I have doubts that normal democratic processes will actually endure this coming election day. 

But something happened to me today that actually had me sobbing in my car on my way home, and sobbing even as I write these words. My V.P. of Engineering is hands down one of the most brilliant people I’ve ever met. Because he is getting on in years, I am sometimes the repository of his pearls of wisdom. He said something that was so prescient today, that I felt like I could, just for a moment, glimpse past the micro-problems of our day, and it had me gasping.

ICBMs (intercontinental ballistic missiles) are responsible for delivering nuclear warheads. After the rocket fuel is exhausted, the ICBM is essentially radio silent. If it isn’t radio silent than foreign enemies can hack into it and possibly jam it. If the rocket is essentially dumb/unhackable and radio silent, than how possibly can it reach it’s destination, and within feet of it? 

They launched test missiles from Edwards Air Force Base in California into the middle of the Pacific Ocean, using only simple Newtonian physics to drive them, but the missiles they launched did not reach their goal. When they relaunched the same missile after tweaking what they thought was a faulty rocket motor, the same result happened. Then some smart person realized they needed to do more than use simple idealized trajectories. The missiles had been pulled off course by tiny changes in gravity during flyover. 

So this is how we solved it. We MAPPED the earth’s gravitational disturbances. We launched a fleet of satellites and tracked their speeds and altitudes as they orbited the Earth. The extra gravitation pull from a mountain range, we logged it. The placid pull from the oceans, we mapped it. Even the minute fluctuations of the ground water, we recorded. Any ICBM that will ever be launched will be launched with a single set of mathematical coordinates. Without ever having any sensorial input on where it is in space, it will reach its target, having taken into account every ditch, hill, stream it will have passed. This might be the first and last time a gargantuan feat of science and engineering had me so awestruck, that I literally trembled in my socks.

This is WHY North Korea will be decades away from launching an accurate nuclear warhead on an ICBM, if they ever will. This is WHY we will eventually reverse global warming. This is why, even though our White House and Congress, and perhaps even our Supreme Court, is full of nincompoops, we will eventually come out on top.

The technical brilliance within our country is astounding. The technical talent is so deep, that even now it is not fully realized.

The depth and magnitude of our labor resources is breathtaking. 

We WILL pull through this. If not in this election cycle, then the next, or a couple of decades from now. Our country, even our planet, might be under threat, but we WILL meet this challenge. The next time I am feeling pessimistic about my country, or the world even, I should look back on this moment when I was awestruck.

Things that I'm a fan of...

1. American Horror Story: Coven

This is one of my favorite shows on TV to watch currently, if only so I can ooh and aah over the chic witchy fashion on display:

From left: Bohemian witch, schoolgirl witch, Posh Russian princess witch

The show is about a coven of witches in New Orleans. There is a rival gang across town led by a Voodoo priestess, Marie Laveau (who is played with aplomb by Angela Bassett).  Throw in a bunch of teenage witches making trouble and still coming into their own powers, and you've got a volatile mixture.

One of the things I like best about the show is the incorporation of many colorful legends from New Orleans' past into the story line.  Delphine LaLaurie, a real life 19th century psychopath who tortured her slaves to death, is somehow revived by the coven, and is by turns, manically and hilariously portrayed by Kathy Bates. The coven leader, Fiona, played by Jessica Lange, has a love affair with the Axman, who was a real serial murderer who terrorized New Orleans back in the day.

2. Game of Thrones, the TV show, and the book series

For the past 5 months, I've been barrelling through "A Song of Ice and Fire", the book series that inspired the HBO series, "Game of Thrones". At around 1000 pages each, you would think it took dedication, but I actually focussed on slowing way down so that I could savor the books more.

Based on the War of the Roses, this is essentially a tale of two noble families, the Lannisters and the Starks who are battling for the King's throne. What makes this story a little bit more interesting however, is that there is a third unexpected contender for the throne. Dany Targaryen is a 14 year old girl, and the sole survivor of the deposed family which headed the previous royal dynasty.  She has just hatched dragons, which is sort of like coming into posession of nuclear bombs - a real game changer. She is also learning to become a brilliant leader, unusual for her age and gender.

What's better than 1 Direwolf pup? How about 5 Direwolf pups?

I probably will dedicate a whole blog post to Game of Thrones, but for now, let me leave you with Direwolf puppies, they're like wolves, except bigger and more badass.  They protect each of the Stark siblings with ferocity. We should all have a Direwolf.

3. My Dansko clogs

I bought these black Dansko clogs a little while ago, and now they hardly ever leave my feet. You can walk or stand all day long, and your feet won't feel a thing.  I can understand why nurses wear them. One drawback to the clogs is: you won't be able to win any agility contests.  I find that I'm constantly in peril of twisting my ankle. Also,they just don't go well with skirts or leggings, which won't prevent me from trying anyways.

4. Walking Dead - A Telltale Game

I just finished playing this video game, which is a based on the TV show with the same name. It received some rave reviews. Basically, it's a choose your own adventure game where you play a character in the Zombie Apocalypse. This game follows a different group of characters than those in the TV show, but you do get to meet Glenn, a character from the TV series.

In the game, you get to choose how to respond to situations and people, and the storyline changes based on the choices you make. Every once in a while, you also need to kill some zombies, but I found that to be a small part of the game. I chose to be a "good" character, dealing with things through negotiation, rather than through violence. However, there were many morally ambiguous choices that were not so clean cut to make. The game took about 4 hours to finish, not bad since the game is only $20. And I felt a little sad when the game ended.

Telltale Games is also going to be working on a game with a similar format for "Game of Thrones".

Lee and Glenn fight a horde of zombies.

5. Rebecca Minkoff M.A.B. (Morning After Bag) tote

I just discovered this brand when I was shopping for a tote bag to carry my laptop around.  Rebecca Minkoff totes are practical, have clean lines, and are made from good leather. It works as an everyday purse, but is also large enough to hold my large laptop, a sweater, or a tablet or two.  I got the black version in medium, but I kind of wish I got the orange version (pictured) instead. My mom thought my Rebecca Minkoff tote was so cute, that she immediately bought a similar Longchamp tote, which was way more expensive, and only made out of nylon.

Rebecca Minkoff Orange M.A.B. tote

Dreaming Big

When we were young, it used to be so easy to dream big.   When I was little, I dreamt that someday, I would own houses in Paris, Rome and New York and that I would drive a yellow Lambourghini Countach, a white Mercedes SLK and a red Ferrari Testarossa (it was the 80's afterall).  Now that I've grown older, have a mortgage, and have friends with kids, it's been easy to abandon my dreams.  I don't remember how to dream, let alone practiced enough to dream big.

Recently, I have been inspired by the Marvel comic book movies. My husband, Mark, and I hunkered down and watched Thor, Captain America, Iron Man and Marvel's Avengers on DVD every weekend before watching Iron Man 3 on the big screen just a couple of days ago.  If Stan Lee had the imagination to dream up the various super heroes, and if Hollywood could come up with the amazing flights of fancy that are the Marvel movies, why should I relinquish my dreams?  Perhaps I should be letting my imagination fly and dream bigger.

Oh sure, it is one thing to fantasize about my next vacation, my next hobby, my next Solopreneur project, but all of these things are within the realm of the possible.  Why not dream about something that seems a little impossible?  And maybe by the act of imagining it, it can become possible. By listing my dreams are, perhaps I can conjure my dreams out of the ether.  And maybe in 5 years, when I reread what I have written now, I will have discovered that I have achieved one or two, or maybe even all of my dreams in some form or another. So here are a few of my "impossible" dreams:

1. Design and live in a house with a unencumbered view of the the ocean, much like Tony Stark's Malibu home in the Iron Man movies.

2. Purchase and drive a Porsche 911 off of the production line in Stuttgart and onto the Autobahn. I recently drove on the Autobahn in a Mitsubishi from Stuttgart to Tubingen, and reached a fairly mild speed of 129 mph but had to slow down to calm my racing heart.  Besides the Mitsubishi was starting to feel aerodynamically unstable. I can only imagine how different driving a Porsche might be.

3. I'd love to someday attend a high-glamour event like the Cannes Film Festival, The Met Ball in New York, or even the Oscars in Hollywood.  Oh well, a girl can dream.

4. Produce a work of art (film, visual) that actually reaches a larger audience.

5. Work with a great team of people on an epic project that I believe in strongly... OK. This is not such a big dream, because it is actually very doable.  As an engineer who has already been blessed with experiences working on products that helped enhance people's lives, I can already say that I have accomplished this dream to some effect.  I can say that the experience is addictive and I would love to be able to do it again.

6. Have an adventure, and not get hurt. For example, I am quite drawn to post-apocalyptic zombie stories. I don't believe in violence - I can scarcely hunt and kill an abalone to eat, but I would absolutely love an excuse to wield a big shotgun and shoot some zombies in the face. 

2013 Resolutions

1) Stability, stability, stability.

This past year has been one of the worst years of my life. As the new year begins, I look back on the grief and trauma I've experienced in the past year, and I feel sad. I look towards the new year, and sadly, I don't feel entirely hopeful. I feel even a little fearful of what grief my mind has convinced awaits me .

I would never think I would say this, but all I really want this year is stability. I don't want anything to happen to me. I just want to be tender with myself. I don't want to stand out, I just want to blend in and not make a fool of myself.

A hobbit hole is where I'd like to stay for the rest of the year

2) Make physical health a priority, especially to counter aging.

While training for my backpacking trip through Yosemite, I gained about 10 lbs, and couldn't fit into even my newest pair of jeans. I am going to take time out of my day to work out, even if it means a 2 hour lunch once a week.

3) Make more financial investments

Instead of just saying, be better with finances like I usually do every year, I am going to try and be more specific. It's time to begin nurturing my stock investments with more seriousness. The short term goal for these investments would be to finance a new kitchen renovation, (see below). The longer term goal for these investments would be to finance a new home (see below).

New Modern Kitchen

New Modern Home

4) Cultivate objectivity

I've been told that I tend to see things in black or white. I've not been able to recognize this in myself all the time, but this is what I have been told. I recently spent a significant portion of time with someone, however, who saw things very black or white, and it dawned on me what my own black and white thinking was like, and the harm it was doing to me, as well as those around me. Everything that we saw on TV with this person brought out a judgement, usually negative. Watching TV brought out a never-ending monologue of extreme opinions on all matters. For example, the recent rape case in India brought on a diatribe on all Indian people. Not only was her over-generalization unjust, but it was just a real grind to have to listen to. Not only can black and white thinking be directed towards others, it can often times be directed to oneself. For example:

If things aren't "perfect," then they must be "horrible." If your child isn't "brilliant" then he must be "stupid." If you're not "fascinating" then you must be "boring."  

This is the type of thinking that I tend to gravitate towards, and I can see how exhausting and how hurtful to myself this can be. So this year, I want to recognize my tendency to generalize things as either good or bad, black or white, and begin to see things as they are.

How to Get A Business License in Mountain View, CA

Warning: To regular readers, this is a very dry post that would be impossible to read if you are not starting a business in Mountain View, CA.  However, interested Mountain View entrepreneurs, read on.

Like many other people in the US this year, I have decided to start my own business. Call it a sign of the economic downturn, but people more than ever want to go in business for themselves. You would think that starting a business in the U.S., particularly in California, would be easy. California, after all, is known for its enterprising spirit.  I, however, found the process of legalizing one's business in California to be surprisingly difficult.  What makes it so difficult is that the process varies from state to state, and city to city, and also depends upon the legal structure of your company. The purpose of this post, therefore, is to inform readers how to legitimize one's business, specifically in Mountain View, CA, and to illuminate the purpose of each step.  It is also important to note the order of each step:

1. Decide upon your business's legal structure

2. Apply for Fictitious Business Name with the Santa County Clerk Recorder's Office

3. Publish legal notice of Fictitious Business Name with Santa Clara County newspaper.
4. Get State Sales Tax ID through State County Clerk Recorder

5. Apply for business license with the City of Mountain View, CA

1. Decide upon your business's legal structure

Determining your business's legal structure is important for various reasons. Logistically, it is important to so because it determines the sequence of paperwork you will need to file. In my case, I was debating between an LLC (Limited Liability Corporation) and a sole proprietorship. The internet is glutted with articles on  LLCs, so I won't go into details about LLC's here.  I decided to go with a sole proprietorship, however, because I currently require very little overhead to run my company and therefore don't feel it requires the legal protection an LLC provides.

2. Apply for Fictitious Business Name with the Santa Clara County Clerk Recorder 

Also known as DBA (Doing Business As), applying for a Fictitious Business Name is required in Santa Clara County if you want to receive money through a company that has a different name than your own, or has a different name from your umbrella organization.  

I, for example am the sole proprietor, and will be receiving money through Fishtopia.  Had Fishtopia been an LLC, this step would not have been necessary, since Fishtopia would have been its own legal entity capable of receiving money itself.  It is required by law to apply for a Fictitious Business Name to ensure that consumers have access to the true name and address of the owner of a business. 

3. Publish legal notice of Fictitious Business Name with a Santa Clara County newspaper.

This odd step is required for any fictitious business name filing.  You can do this with any adjudicated Santa Clara County newspaper and it can cost as much as $65. Ask the newspaper if: (a) they are an adjudicated publication in Santa Clara County, and (b) how much it costs to file a legal notice for a fictitious business name filing.  I called three newspapers, and settled for the Los Altos Crier, which charges only $35. The San Jose Mercury News charges the most: $65.  The Mountain View Voice charges only a little less: $55. An added bonus with the Los Altos Crier is that they will also mail you your legal notice, as well as file it with Santa Clara County. This is not the case with all newspapers.

4. Get a Seller's permit account number (also known as State Sales Tax ID) through the California State Board of Equalization

This step is required if you are in the business of selling stuff. For a more legal description of what "stuff" is, click on the link in the heading.  Officially, you shouldn't be taxed if you are selling things out of state.  However, if you are selling things within California, the state requires a state sales tax number so they can tax you properly. What's confusing about this step is that the Seller's permit account number IS THE SAME number as your state sales tax ID. This is important when doing the next step.

5. Apply for business license with the City of Mountain View, CA.   

This is required if you want to conduct business in Mountain View.  In order to apply for a business license, you are required to get a state sales tax ID.  As stated above, getting a state sales tax ID is the same thing as obtaining a seller's permit account number (see step #4). The rest of the application is fairly easy, and costs as little as $35.

Conclusion
When I first sought to legitimize my business, I first started by applying for a business license with the City of Mountain View. Little did I know that there are a slew of other steps and decisions to make before this can be accomplished. If you want to save time, I recommend that you follow the steps I've listed above. To streamline your business filing, it is expedient to first hammer out the legal structure of your business.  This is followed by working with the state to file for a Fictitious Business Name and acquiring a State Sales Tax ID (also known as a seller's permit account number). These must be performed before finally filing for a business licence with the city.

SCUBA and spirituality: brainstorm 1

My brain has been on fire lately.  I have so many projects to do, so little time. One of the more crazy ideas I want to try is to write an article for California Diving News, the premier magazine about SCUBA diving in California. I wrote to Kim Sheckler, one of the main writers of this magazine, and wife of the editor, what articles she prefers, and she replied:

The editorial drive of the publication is to inspire and inform the beginning through intermediate divers into seeking the full underwater experience that California waters have to offer. All material is upbeat and positive. Please, no “Why this diver died” or shark attack type articles. Our goal is to encourage divers to get out and enjoy California scuba diving more often.

Rather than writing about something light, however, I have decided to dive off the deep-end (pun not intended) and write about the connection between SCUBA diving and spirituality.  It's a topic that is not explored in great depth (ha ha).  However, like in many other sports (such as surfing or running), there is a universally acknowledged spiritual element involved with diving.  Some might argue that scuba diving has an even stronger spiritual element than some other activities because a high degree of breathing awareness is employed. But more on that later...

My first question, inevitably would be, what is Spirituality anyway? I would be the last to know, since I am adamantly non-religious, and not very spiritual either. So what is a gal to do? So I did some internet research.  There is a well-written article on the subject here. According to this article, the last thing one can do, I found, is to define spirituality. Spirituality, the author argues, is more like a mixed bag of experiences:

• Feeling lost in the moment
• Feeling part of the whole universe
• Feeling a sense of awe and mystery
• A sense of epiphany

All of the above apply to the experience of diving in my mind...

To be continued...

How to Wear Wingtip Heels

Wingtip heels

I saw a woman wearing cream wing-tip heels recently, and it made me curious. I, too, have a pair of cream wingtip heels (see below for similar shoes). I just don't get around to wearing these shoes. I simply don't know how to pair them with any of my clothes. If the shoes weren't so gorgeous, I would have disposed them by now. 

I searched the internet, and I found two general trends for how to wear these high-heel wing-tips: There is the (1) schoolmarmish look, and (2) the eclectic look.

The easiest way to achieve the "school marmish" look is to pair wingtip heels with black tights and a black skirt (see below). To prevent this look from looking too severe, however, soften the monochromatic black bottom with a delicate top such as a cream cardigan (see below).

Examples of the "Schoolmarmish" look - pairing wingtip heels with black tights and a black skirt 

If you don't want to look too old-fashioned, which is easy to do with the schoolmarmish look above, a more casual look can be achieved by pairing wing-tip heels in a way that is unexpected. This "eclectic" look can actually be a really hard look to pull off. Exchange the obvious shoe choice with the wing tip heel, and the outfit can look quirky and a bit more interesting. Carried too far, however, you can look like your entire outfit came from the dumpster bin outside of the Salvation Army.

Carried too far, wing tip heels can make your outfit look clownish, or cheap

Instead of wearing a nude skirt with nude  pumps or wedges pair it unexpectedly with wing tip heels

Sex and the City 2: Rather than pairing this breezy summer dress with the requisite strappy sandals, Carrie Bradshaw makes a more eclectic match with wing tip heels

And now for something completely frivolous... Nude pumps

There is something about looming deadlines that makes me a more prolific blogger.  When I have no impending deadlines, I have nothing to write about. However, when under a time crunch, I procrastinate by blogging away. Anyways, the subject of this blog post is nude pumps: how to wear them, and where to get them.

I've been shopping for the perfect pair of nude pumps for a long time now, but: (1) I have not been able to find reasonably priced, comfortable shoes that don't look too tranny, and (2) despite the generally accepted wisdom that nude pumps are a "must-have" fashion staple, I have no clue how to pair these shoes with actual clothes.

Nude pumps with white

With brightly hued dresses

Nude pumps can be paired with anything I would normally pair with my high heel beige wedges (now unfortunately worn to death).  However, I did notice that the nude pumps are more polished and more lady-like than a casual pair of high-heeled sandals. Also, nude pumps can be paired with brightly colored dresses (see above) and result in a more subtle effect than had that same dress been paired with black shoes.

Casually, with jeans and a boxy top

I found surprisingly few options for pairing nude pumps with pants.  The L.A. fashionistas are pairing them with cargo pants, or jeans (see above). But this look smacks of L.A. This looks good if you are one of those women who do nothing but shop on Rodeo Drive, carrying a tea cup Chihuahua.

Despite the limited clothing options, I think nude pumps would make a worthwhile fashion addition, if just to replace my aforementioned beige wedges.

Banana Republic: $79.50

The Banana Republic version above has a low enough heel for work. And I also favor the suede texture.  However, I don't trust Banana Republic for long term comfort. My comfort standard is that I need to be able to walk a mile or two in the heels without discomfort. 

Coach: $198

The Coach shoes above are really gorgeous.  And they do exhibit more of a stacked toe, which is trendy right now. But the price point is not ideal. And I would prefer no patent leather.

Steve Madden: $89.95

The Steve Madden shoes above are moderately priced, and look more expensive than they are.  However, the stacked toe, when there is no peephole, looks too tranny to me. (For the non-fashionista, "tranny" is an adjective describing transvestites.)

Cole Haan: $335.00

Cole Haan: $298.00

The Cole Haan shoes above, will probably last forever, and are probably incredibly comfortable. Unfortunately, these are not at my price point.

Pelle Moda: $104.67

My favorite find for the price are the Pelle Moda nude pumps above.  They have the suede texture, and stacked toe, and peephole that I prefer. Unfortunately they do not come in the sizes that I'm interested in, at least on Zappos.com.  So, I guess I'll keep looking...

What I'm Playing, Reading, Watching, Surfing, II

The Hyperion books by Dan Simmons have landed on many a top 10 Science Fiction lists.  So as any self-respecting science fiction reader would do, I decided to give the books a read. I began Hyperion last month, and just finished its sequel, The Fall of Hyperion on my iPhone. In a nutshell, the books are about a massive war between man, Artificial Intelligence, and the Ousters - an evolved offshoot of man. The Hyperion series is a space opera.  At its worst, I felt like I was muddling through a high schooler's melodramatic first novel.  However, at his best, Dan Simmons showcases his imagination with image after remarkable image.  Take for instance his evocation of the Shrike, a 9 foot tall monster bristling with thorns and spikes, perhaps one of the scariest monsters ever written in the modern age. Also, I love the description of the Consul's space ship.  I wish I had my own personal space craft equipped with a grand piano, full bar, and cushy round sofa pad.

The Hyperion Books

What I'm Surfing
I'm obsessed with reading the Style Section on the New York Times website.  I've been following the runway shows in New York, Milan and Paris religiously and I'm learning to love designers I would have loathed just a couple of years ago. Take for instance this Fall's Prada show.  I realize now that Miuccia Prada is a genius, rather than a hawker of ugly nylon bags, for which she was originally famous.  Her proportions and color choices could be interpreted as dowdy and retro.  But I think she is an innovator-extraordinaire.  She has a genius for reinventing forms and combining textures.

Prada, Fall 2011

Another fashion designer that I've grown to admire is Marc Jacobs for Louis Vuitton.  I used to make fun of people who owned Louis Vuitton purses.  The prototypical LV bag owner, for me, was someone who aspired to be high-class, but who really wasn't, or at most, was someone who didn't have enough good taste to be original.  But I have since changed my mind. Marc Jacobs has a very evolved and cultivated aesthetic sense.  His latest Fall 2011 fashion show was fetishistic, and decadent, yet tightly prudish all at the same time if such a thing were possible. The fashion reviewers say that his runway show was based on the 1970s cult film, The Night Porter, which was about a masochistic affair between a concentration camp survivor, and her Nazi captor. The theme seems rather obscure to me, but there was no denying the drama as each model arose on stage from a metal cage elevator wearing a juxtaposition of vinyl, with tweed pea coats, buttoned up dresses with hand cuffs.

Louis Vuitton Fall 2011

What I'm Playing, Reading, Watching, Surfing

This month, I have been a real couch-potato. When I am not hard at work, I have been busy (if busy is the right word) watching movies, playing games, reading books, and surfing obsessively:

What I'm Playing:
Fallout: New Vegas is my latest video game obsession. I'm not gonna bore you with an in-depth review, but in summary, this is a mind-bogglingly complex, and strange game.  The game is a role-playing shooter, with some very bizarre story-lines: I have cooked imitation human meat for a fancy New Vegas restaurant, I have given a brain transplant to a dog (see picture, left).  I have even sampled the sexual services of a "sexbot", to name some of my stranger experiences.  Believe it or not, I've been relatively ethical.  In this game, I have been meticulous about not killing innocent people.  But sometimes, you can't help it. Just recently, I cleared out an entire casino with a stolen assault carbine. Now, everyone cowers around me on the New Vegas strip.  But what was I supposed to do?  They attacked first.

Rex, my robot/canine companion

What I'm Watching
I am slightly fascinated by a documentary we recently saw: Azorian-The Raising of the K-129.  This documentary discloses the biggest and most ambitious CIA project of all time: raising the K-129 submarine. Apparently, this Russian sub sank from unknown reasons back in 1969. The Russians did not have the technology to find their own submarine, and so searched aimlessly for several weeks. In contrast, the Americans triangulated the exact position of the submarine within minutes of the submarine sinking (let's just say that we Americans have lots of underwater sensors all over the world). Because this was during the Cold War, the Americans decided to secretly raise the nuclear submarine. Just, how does one raise a nuclear submarine, secretly exactly?  Well, you design and build a custom ship that looks like any normal ship.  But it isn't a normal ship, because inside the ship is a huge mechanical claw.  The claw can  be lowered half a mile deep. The claw is custom-designed to grab the submarine, lift it, and ensconse it safely, deep inside the belly of the ship. I kid you not.

The documentary is chock-a-block full of nerdy engineering details. For example, perhaps the largest bearings ever designed or built were made for this project (made to isolate the cyclic motions of the mechanical claw deep underwater, from the rolling of the ship above water). Also, some poor engineering chump had to design gigantic custom pipe-threads on long pipe sections purely for extending the mechanical claw.
  
I'm not a boxing fan by any means, but watching Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson was a huge inspiration to me. Jack Johnson, (not the musician) was the first Black boxer to win the heavy-weight boxing title. This was hugely controversial back in the day (this took place during the 1910s) because people were horrified to learn that Blacks could be physically superior to a White. What I find so fascinating, nay, inspirational about Jack Johnson, was that, in a time when many Black people were still impoverished and segregated from White society, Jack Johnson actively crossed those lines.  He scandalized society by consorting with White women, sometimes travelling with a harem of them everywhere he went.  He also dressed splendidly in the highest of fashions (he reminds me of some NBA players today), and sped around town in a series of expensive racing cars. He was arrogant, and merely smiled his famous gold-capped smile when racial epithets were hurled at him during boxing matches. I find Jack Johnson an inspiration of the human spirit.  There is something so indomitable about him. And he was stubbornly himself, despite all of the pressures from society for him to be another way.


To be continued...

Life Coach Experience, Part II

This blog post is about my past year's experience working with a life coach and is a continuation of a previous post, here.

This picture has nothing to do with the subject of this blog post, but contains relevant scuba diving information

What immediately struck me upon meeting Vicki was that her style of coaching complemented me well.  First of all, she is a certified "Fearless Living" coach.  This means that she espouses familiarizing ourselves intimately with our deepest fears, encourages being conscious of our reaction to our fear, and provides tools for handling our fears.  She also espouses embracing our fears, and "being uncomfortable with being uncomfortable." I aspire to be a courageous person, so her brave style of coaching appealed to me.  She also mentioned that she used to work at a large company before getting fed up and striking out on her own to launch her own coaching business.  This attitude also appealed to me, since I, certainly don't wish to climb the corporate ladder for the rest of my life, and would someday like to be my own boss.

I was also impressed with her abundant intuition. On many of our meetings, she surprised me by honing in on things I didn't realize about myself, or providing an insight that completely changed the way that I look at my life.  I spoke to her about what I perceived to be weaknesses, and she helped me reframe them into extensions of my strengths.  For example, I perceive one of my worst problems to be an inability to verbalize quickly on my feet.  Vicki reframed this supposed weakness into a result of one of my strengths, my ability to think things through thoroughly and in great detail.  Another weakness of mine that I mentioned was being overly-emotional, which can be dangerous at work. Vicki pointed out that my emotionality showed passion, and a strong sense of truth, and of right and wrong.  The general point to this exercise of turning my weakness into a strength was getting to know myself better and learning how to leverage my own strengths instead of nit-picking on my weaknesses.

Another major insight that I got from working with Vicki was realizing what my trigger was.  Everyone has a main fear, or trigger. A trigger is something that will cause people to overreact and behave irrationally when triggered.  My trigger just so happens to be "loser".  This means that I make great efforts to never be perceived as a loser in front of others.  And often times, I will be paranoid and misinterpret others as perceiving that I am a loser, when in fact that is not the case.  It wasn't until recently that I learned that not everyone is driven by the same "loser" trigger that I am driven by.  Some people, for instance go to great lengths to avoid being perceived as "selfish", "inauthentic", or "weak".  And I have recently met people who admitted that their trigger was "unlovable", which I find to be alien, but I have no doubt is a miserable fear.

Ironically, the efforts we make to avoid our fears can misfire.  For example, my "loser" trigger drives me to self-destructively compare myself to others, to over-apologize, and also to work furiously under a dark cloud of negativity.  Since identifying my trigger, I have become more adept at catching myself.  Oftentimes I will be working on a project and the following internal monologue will repeat in my head: "Everyone thinks I'm a loser, and will think my work sucks", "Everyone is going to hate this". I am beginning to learn how to interrupt this vicious circle of negativity. Sometimes I will reach out to a coworker and start a friendly conversation, sometimes I will take a deep breath or go for a walk.  Then, I change my internal monologue with the following playback loop: "How can I do better?  How can I excel? How is this fun?"

There are so many insights that I have gained by working with Vicki, that they are maybe too much to write about in this one blurb.  But I wanted to reiterate that Vicki has been a life coach who has not only provided me communication skills and techniques, all useful in navigating this game of life, but has also challenged myself to look deeply within myself and to become better acquainted with my deepest emotions and fears.  Her brand of coaching and encouragement is not always the most subtle, or gentle.  She herself states on her website: "Because sometimes you need more than a gentle push."  I have definitely appreciated her comment that I should become "comfortable with being uncomfortable" and I definitely appreciated her when, after a long session of complaining and feeling sorry for myself, she encouraged me man up and to "put my big girl pants on".

If you are interested in learning more about Vicki's coaching services, her information can be found on the following website:

http://mykickasscoach.com/

Also, you can find her on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/MyKickAssCoach

Life Coach Experience

One of the most significant things that happened to me this year, was deciding to work with a life coach.   As I revealed in an earlier blog post, I have been working with my life coach, Vicki, for the past 6 months.  I was not the first in my circle of friends to get a life coach. Two of my friends have gotten coaches (career or life coaches) before me.  These coaches helped my friends to varying degrees, but nevertheless, I was impressed by my friends' courage in taking steps in their personal growth, and vowed to eventually make similar steps of my own.  Beginning with my meditation retreat several years back, I have been making my personal growth a priority.  I consider my working with a life coach as continuation of what will be a life-long quest for self-discovery.

The above picture has nothing to do with the subject of this blog post, but who can a resist a cute kitty picture?

From what little I know of the profession of life-coaching, a life coach is similar to a sports coach, except instead of guiding, critiquing and cheering on the players of a sports team, a life coach guides, critiques, and cheers on a person in their life's endeavors. I decided to get a coach because I felt that I was getting myself into difficulties at work time and time again, and at work place after work place.  The only common denominator to these work situations, it seemed, was me.  So I decided to get an outside perspective to aid me to see what I was doing wrong, to help me to have the correct conversations with coworkers, and to present myself in a better way.

By hiring a life coach, I expected to get a toolbox of skills and techniques, and rules of thumb to help me navigate my work perils better. I am getting these things, but in addition, I think I am getting something a little deeper.  (As a side note, not all coaches are created equal.  A friend of mine who hired a life coach was asked to attend karate classes, and to attend Toastmasters to pump up her confidence, and to improve her public speaking skills.  The coach even went clothes shopping with my friend for work clothes. I thought that my friend was very brave to try on a new persona. But I felt I could hardly recognize my friend anymore after her coaching sessions were over.)

Vicki and I speak for an hour on a biweekly basis.  The conversation is conducted over the phone. Coaching sessions are not inexpensive.  For the cost of hiring a coach, I could be buying a couple of expensive pairs of shoes every month.  Before each coaching session, my coach sends me a list of pointed questions to ask myself:

What are the roadblocks I am now experiencing? What is it you are not willing to bring up? What do I want my coach to help me with during this call?

In addition to these questions, I have also been e-mailing Vicki twice before each session.   This can be something that is bothering me, a success, or whatever.  Finally, after each coaching session, Vicki writes her coaching notes, which contain "homework", usually reading assignments, and insights from the coaching session.  I have been using the insights to guide me in how I behave towards myself and others, and revisiting these insights as need be.

To be continued...

2010 New Year Resolutions, and Results

I cannot believe another year has blown by.  After reading over my 2010 New Year's Resolutions, it feels like I had just wrote them yesterday.  Here are my 2010 New Year Resolutions and associated results:

1. Watch less TV, play less video games, surf the internet less. Generally, get my butt off the sofa more.
No, Yes, Yes, Somewhat.  I think I was successful in playing less video games.  When you go home at lunch to play video games, like I did in 2009, it is a very clear indication that you are playing too many video games.  This did not happen this year.  (However, as a side note, I did obtain a wireless headset to communicate with my coworker while playing Call of Duty Black Ops, so I haven't given up games altogether.) I am continuing to watch a lot of TV indirectly due to Mark's excessive TV watching, but overall I think I did better than before. Verdict: Fair.

2. Stretch my lower back and shoulder more. These spots are giving me grief.
I did a very good job in this department.  The tension is not completely gone, and will come back in force in times of stress, but I am constantly stretching these neck and lower back, without even thinking about it. Verdict: Good.

3. Continue to make exercise a habit.
Exercise this year was up and down.  My gym closed down, but I continued to do P90X videos on my own.  I got to the point of being able to do weird feats of strength, like doing 30 push ups in a row, or going from the "crane" position (a yoga balance move) and jumping into plank.  Then, I discovered that simply eating less (1450 calories a day) was a more efficient way to lose weight than exercising a lot, so I began to limit exercise to once a week.  Now I'm trying to renew my exercise habit after my experiment resulted in me getting too flabby.  Verdict: Fair.

4. Begin to think about what it means to grow older and come to terms with it. These are one of the things I fear the most -- getting older, and being perceived as old. Thank goodness I don't look any age at all with my asian face.
Ha ha.  I don't think I made any progress at all in this department. I'm embarassed to say, I still feel like I am in my 20s mentally speaking.  Verdict: Poor.

5. Continue with my spiritual and psychological development.
I am working very hard in this department.  In August, I hired a personal life coach, and I have been working with her biweekly ever since.  This deserves it's own little blog post, but to summarize, I have been making a lot of progress.  Verdict: Good.

6. Take better care of my skin.
I have also been making significant progress with my skin.  I discovered several important skin-care habits: (1) I apply Atralin, a tretinoin-based acne medication, on my face every night.  The tretinoin is great for treating adult acne, but I also receive the side-benefit of having younger looking skin, as tretinoin encourages the turnover of skin.  As a result, my skin looks clearer and more youthful than it has in years. (2) My second habit is to moisturize my face every day (Aveeno facial soy based moisturizer).  The Aveeno moisturizer that I use does not irritate my skin, and it helps keep my oil production down.  It also has the side benefit of evening out my skin tone.  (3) Less significantly, I am appreciating the benefits of blotting.  Rather than washing and drying out my skin, I regularly blot my face with toilet paper, which has the added benefit of leaving my makeup intact, in addition to removing shine. Verdict: Excellent.

7. Do new things. Plan more events with friends.
So this year I wasn't a complete couch potato.  I ended up organizing several events, including a ski trip, a Halloween party, hiking outings, dive outings and dinner parties.  This coming year promises to unveil more creative events.  Verdict: Good.

8. Dare I say it? Travel more? Will it happen with my dwindled finances and few vacation days?
I definitely got to travel a decent amount this year.  I travelled to Indianapolis for work (better than nothing), and I also got to travel to Zion National Park and to Fiji for my honeymoon.  I will try to write more about Zion at a later date, but to read up on my honeymoon, go here. Verdict: Good.

9. Continue to acquire a stylish wardrobe!
This year saw a resurgence in my fascination for fashion.  I love the jeggings, ankle boots and blousy silhouettes that have become trendy this year.  My conclusion is that you don't have to spend a lot to look fashionable.  You just need good taste.  Verdict: Excellent.

10. Survive work in 2010 with my sanity intact, which promises to be the make or break year.
This year was pretty good as far as work is concerned. I wished I had done more, but I shattered a couple of boundaries that I had previously.  My boss getting fired helped a lot! He was holding me back, as well as the rest of the company, which was why he got fired in the first place.  Verdict: Good.

More detail later...

Happiness is Miserable

"Happiness is Miserable" claims Jennifer Aaker, professor of Marketing at Stanford's Graduate School of Business. Professor Aaker (http://faculty-gsb.stanford.edu/aaker/) spoke at yesterday's lecture sponsored by the Stanford Professional Women. And she had some data, hilarious videos and charts to back up her statement that "Happiness is Miserable".

It has been a long time since I stepped on the Stanford Campus. It was fun to visit after so long a time away. The Alumni Center, where the event was held, is absolutely gorgeous. There was smoked salmon, cheesecake and good coffee to stuff my face with. And everyone was dressed to the hilt in their most fashionable attire.

I had trouble initiating conversation with
my fellow attendees at first. I need to brush up on that skill apparently. But another woman who was attending the lecture on her own struck up a conversation with me from her chair near by. Approximately the same age as myself, she had two small kids already, looked older than myself, and was extremely well spoken, which is more than what I could say for myself. Maybe networking at these events more would give me some of that polish.

The lecture itself was hilarious. Aaker presented some photos from her family trip to Disneyworld, where everyone was clearly miserable. However, looking back, only happy pictures with disingenuine smiles remain. The point was: Americans (more so than in other cultures) have a hard time resolving experiences that are both happy and sad, and will usually remember one over the other. This demonstrates that we have an unrealistic vision of how happy we are supposed to be?

Another key to her lecture was that there is more than one type of happiness, and that our definition of happiness morphs with age. For example, happiness is associated by most people by the following words:

Can't stop smiling
Pleasure
Feels good

But there is also a deeper, more sustainable meaning of the word happiness:

Contentment
Feels right
Authentic

Aaker argues that if we can be more in touch with this latter meaning of happiness, we will become happier.

One final point she made was that giving to others usually makes us happier than anything else we can do.

Some other short term fixes to feeling happier:

-Smile more
-Breath more slowly and deeply
-Have a small sandwich (eat a snack)
-Slog through a tough 3 hour task
-Avoid the negative-the negative has more lasting power over the positive
-Anticipate happiness in the future
-Remember happiness in the past
-Control the ripple effect your happiness -has on others (we are happier when our friends' friends are happy)
-Find a project that is meaningful both at work and at home



-- Post From My iPhone

Lost Finale

The Lost Finale was yesterday. We celebrated, with our friend, Eddie, with Buffalo wings, veggies, and Mexican coke (made with cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup).



I'm going to miss:
1. The excellent acting, particularly for the character of Benjamin Linus.
2. Whimsical, genius plot lines: such as Desmond's button pushing in the hatch.
3. Romantic couples: Claire and Charlie, Jin and Sun, Desmond and Penny.

-- Post From My iPhone

A Look Back at 2009 New Year's Resolutions

I cannot believe that it is that time of year again. I was just reading my 2008 Year in Review, and it feels like I wrote it yesterday! I wanted to review what my new year's resolutions were back then and whether I had developed in those areas in some small way.

Last year, I wrote that I wanted to develop my "emotional resilience" -- in other words - "get over myself as quickly as possible". I think I have definitely improved in that area. I don't stay upset for very long- at least not more than a day at most. When I'm blue, I own up to the fact that I am blue. And then it is not so bad... Also, anytime I feel bitter, I work to break through that narrowing way of being, and open my heart.

My other 2009 new year's resolutions, and results in italics:
(1) increase tolerance and minimize judgement of others
My progress has been slow, and sometimes it feels like I've made no progress at all. But how much progress I really have made was certainly highlighted at a recent family reunion. We were visiting my sick grandfather when one family member made a judgmental comment about one of my relatives. The relative being discussed had been judged and judged throughout the decades, and as a result had formed a protective attitude towards the rest of the family. I told the family member who had made this judgement my analysis of the situation, which we were all contributors to. And I think they were a bit surprised to hear such truth coming from one of the younger generation. It was then that I realized that I had come farther along than I had thought. VERDICT: POSITIVE GROWTH.

(2) listen to my gut
I believe this is going to be an ongoing project for me. Very small decisions, like what color camera I should buy, can take forever for me to make (they all suck!). I leave Mark to make decisions with regards to decor and party entrees, because he is so good at that stuff. But to sum up, I think I have become a much improved decision maker. At work, I've even gotten the reputation for being a firm, and good common-sense decision maker, which is so opposite what I was even a few years ago. This all stems from following my gut, which, I believe, reflects subconscious calculation. Everytime my gut says something, I analyze why I feel that way, and often times, there is a reason that is so complex and refined, it is hard to describe in words, but definitely there. Verdict: POSITIVE GROWTH.

(3) care for others and focus less on myself
What a joke. This is the area where I think I have made the least progress. I feel a lot of empathy for people who are suffering. However, I don't bear as much good will towards people who are doing well. This is something that I have to continue to work on- to be happy for people who are successful. Verdict: AREA OF OPPORTUNITY.

(4) be better with finances
I vow to do this every year. And I don't think I have gained a whole lot in the area of investing or saving. However, much of my spendings have gone into the house this year, and into our refinancing project. Many people couldn't even refinance this year in light of the economic recession. So in light of this progress: POSITIVE GROWTH.

(5) be more eloquent
Again, it is one of those things I need to work on. I would especially like work on responding faster on my feet. What should I do? I already speak often at meetings, maybe I should try and speak up more? Practice expressing complex ideas to people on random occasions? My Dad feels that public speaking on the fly is a reflection of intelligence. I don't necessarily agree with him completely. However, building neural connections between one's brain, and one's verbal abilities DOES exercise one's intellect. Sometimes, I am too lazy to even express what I did over the weekend. VERDICT: AREA OF OPPORTUNITY.

(6) exercise my brain on occasion, maybe know world affairs
Hah. Good luck with that. I'm still playing video games (currently Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2) and would prefer to learn about the virtual weapons that I am using rather than learn about what is actually going on in the world. I did read a variety of biographies and non-fiction, so maybe I am not a total loss. Verdict: AREA OF OPPORTUNITY.

(7) continue to write on a frequent basis
This has not happened as much as I would like. I wrote half as many blog entries as I did last year. And many of those entries were 2 sentences long. I need to watch less of our ginormous flat screen TV, and do more writing! Verdict: AREA OF OPPORTUNITY.

To be continued...