A Look Back at 2009 New Year's Resolutions

I cannot believe that it is that time of year again. I was just reading my 2008 Year in Review, and it feels like I wrote it yesterday! I wanted to review what my new year's resolutions were back then and whether I had developed in those areas in some small way.

Last year, I wrote that I wanted to develop my "emotional resilience" -- in other words - "get over myself as quickly as possible". I think I have definitely improved in that area. I don't stay upset for very long- at least not more than a day at most. When I'm blue, I own up to the fact that I am blue. And then it is not so bad... Also, anytime I feel bitter, I work to break through that narrowing way of being, and open my heart.

My other 2009 new year's resolutions, and results in italics:
(1) increase tolerance and minimize judgement of others
My progress has been slow, and sometimes it feels like I've made no progress at all. But how much progress I really have made was certainly highlighted at a recent family reunion. We were visiting my sick grandfather when one family member made a judgmental comment about one of my relatives. The relative being discussed had been judged and judged throughout the decades, and as a result had formed a protective attitude towards the rest of the family. I told the family member who had made this judgement my analysis of the situation, which we were all contributors to. And I think they were a bit surprised to hear such truth coming from one of the younger generation. It was then that I realized that I had come farther along than I had thought. VERDICT: POSITIVE GROWTH.

(2) listen to my gut
I believe this is going to be an ongoing project for me. Very small decisions, like what color camera I should buy, can take forever for me to make (they all suck!). I leave Mark to make decisions with regards to decor and party entrees, because he is so good at that stuff. But to sum up, I think I have become a much improved decision maker. At work, I've even gotten the reputation for being a firm, and good common-sense decision maker, which is so opposite what I was even a few years ago. This all stems from following my gut, which, I believe, reflects subconscious calculation. Everytime my gut says something, I analyze why I feel that way, and often times, there is a reason that is so complex and refined, it is hard to describe in words, but definitely there. Verdict: POSITIVE GROWTH.

(3) care for others and focus less on myself
What a joke. This is the area where I think I have made the least progress. I feel a lot of empathy for people who are suffering. However, I don't bear as much good will towards people who are doing well. This is something that I have to continue to work on- to be happy for people who are successful. Verdict: AREA OF OPPORTUNITY.

(4) be better with finances
I vow to do this every year. And I don't think I have gained a whole lot in the area of investing or saving. However, much of my spendings have gone into the house this year, and into our refinancing project. Many people couldn't even refinance this year in light of the economic recession. So in light of this progress: POSITIVE GROWTH.

(5) be more eloquent
Again, it is one of those things I need to work on. I would especially like work on responding faster on my feet. What should I do? I already speak often at meetings, maybe I should try and speak up more? Practice expressing complex ideas to people on random occasions? My Dad feels that public speaking on the fly is a reflection of intelligence. I don't necessarily agree with him completely. However, building neural connections between one's brain, and one's verbal abilities DOES exercise one's intellect. Sometimes, I am too lazy to even express what I did over the weekend. VERDICT: AREA OF OPPORTUNITY.

(6) exercise my brain on occasion, maybe know world affairs
Hah. Good luck with that. I'm still playing video games (currently Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2) and would prefer to learn about the virtual weapons that I am using rather than learn about what is actually going on in the world. I did read a variety of biographies and non-fiction, so maybe I am not a total loss. Verdict: AREA OF OPPORTUNITY.

(7) continue to write on a frequent basis
This has not happened as much as I would like. I wrote half as many blog entries as I did last year. And many of those entries were 2 sentences long. I need to watch less of our ginormous flat screen TV, and do more writing! Verdict: AREA OF OPPORTUNITY.

To be continued...

Thanksgiving 2009 Time Capsule

This Thanksgiving has been good. I suspect it will look better in retrospect. Vacations always look rosier when viewed back with nostalgia. Despite things not going as planned this past Thanksgiving, we nonetheless had a good time.

This year, we decided to go scuba diving in Monterey. We hadn't gone diving in a year, and so it was time consuming and laborious as we packed our musty scuba gear. Once we got to Monterey, however, there was a storm advisory. We decided it wasn't smart to go diving, particularly when surfers were actually surfing where we were supposed to dive.

Disappointed, we decided to explore. We discovered things we wouldn't normally see had we gone diving . We discovered the scenic walk between downtown Carmel, and Carmel River State Beach. I highly recommend this stroll along Scenic Rd, Carmel. It is here that you will find gorgeous gingerbread houses overlooking the beautiful Pacific Ocean. Less pretentious than 17 mile Drive, the natural scenery along Scenic Road is more memorable, and you don't have to pay to enter to boot. Along this path, we found the famous, Butterfly House (see above). This iconic house went on sale for $20 Million in 2007. It is also the site of a very good, and pristine shore dive, when the conditions are right. At one point, Bay Area scuba divers mused over pooling our money and buying it for ourselves. But a Washington Real Estate developer eventually bought the gem for $10 Million. I hope he doesn't mind seeing scuba divers prance around in front of his panoramic views of the ocean on occasion.

On another day, we rode a tandem bike along 17 Mile Drive. The rain pounded us at times, but Mark and I had a wonderful time synchronizing our pedal strokes as we hammered up some hills and glid past enormous chateaux. Beating the rain as we raced back to the bike shop was my favorite moment on this bike trip. Mark professed not to feel taxed at all, but both of us were covered in sweat when we were done.
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Being that it is Thanksgiving, and not just a time to go on trips, it is also time to be grateful. I recently saw a PBS special on the Dust Bowl. Thank goodness I did not go through the hardship that broke so many farmers during this era. It is not always easy to feel grateful, but I am grateful that I do not have to worry about where I am getting my next meal, the shame of accepting government aid, or the fate of my land without rain.

Here is a short list of other things I am grateful for:

(1) Our house

I am grateful that our house hasn't severely depreciated in this recession. I am grateful that we can enjoy our little fireplace, relax in front of the TV and feel contented in the cozy and stylish little nest we have created for ourselves. All those weeks and months of painting and stressing has paid off. We recently refinanced, and were able to get rid of our second loan, as well as lowering our mortgage payments. Our house is small, but it is perfect for our needs.

(2) My husband

I am grateful that I found someone who always has a bright smiling face to light up my day, and who can always make me laugh out loud every day. My husband is also realistic and responsible, qualities which I don't always demonstrate. If it weren't for him, I wonder if we would still be in the process of refinancing our house, instead of being done already.

(3) My job

My job is challenging, and creative. That is all that I ever ask for. When I first started, I thought I was going to do some more hand-held plastic enclosure design. Right away, however, I started design on some battery contacts, which for the type of batteries I am working with, is not a trivial task. Lately, I have expanded into the crucial interface areas. The project I work on is practically Space-Shuttle-esque in its complexity. It has countless parts, 3 tiny motors, and three complex subsystems with their own multi-person teams. I am working on the mechanical interfaces between these subsystems, and I am so grateful to have this opportunity.

Eyvind Earle-An Artist of California

Art galleries these days are full of paintings that repeat the same tired old themes. Perusing the art galleries in downtown Carmel, CA over Thanksgiving weekend, we saw the same old still lifes with wine glasses and bottles, the same old kitschy whale paintings by Wyland. This time, however, I had a chance to discover a significant artist whose works took my breath away. I have never seen paintings that capture Californian scenery as masterfully as those by Eyvind Earle.

Eyvind Earle is a contemporary artist, who recently died in 2000. A former landscape artist at Disney, he worked on such films as "Lady and the Tramp", and "Peter Pan". Earle's style is most clearly evident in "Sleeping Beauty", for which he was responsible for art direction. With its medieval styling, Sleeping Beauty can now be considered an noticeable departure in style from previous Disney films. During the film's development, other Disney animators protested against Earle's art direction, but Walt Disney himself interceded. For the first time, the voice of a single animator, Eyvind Earle, set the tone for a Disney film.

After leaving Disney, Eyvind Earle spent a few years as head of his own animation company. He animated commercials, and even created the trailer for the movie, "West Side Story". But in his final years, Eyvind Earle spent his time painting professionally in Carmel, CA. His mature paintings are fantastical and magical, much like his illustrations while at Disney. But they are also evocative of the beautiful Californian landscape. They are infused with feeling and emotion. In many of his landscapes, there is a sense of aching solitude.

When looking at "Sounding of Surf ", or "Swirl of Fog", I am reminded of waves crashing on the Big Sur coastline. Notice also these paintings' resemblance to Japanese block prints. A "Touch of Magic" brings me out of myself, and gives me the sensation of hiking through the Santa Cruz Mountains on a lazy afternoon.

My favorite Eyvind Earle, however, is "Quiet Solitude". The original painting is currently on sale after being part of a private collection for many years. This painting, whose price is unlisted, but will probably sell for ~$100,000+ currently resides in the Gallery Fine Art in Carmel, CA. This work almost reduced me to tears. There was the masterly technique, and colorful beauty, but there was also a strong sensation of silence and loneliness. If you are looking to collect significant, important works of beauty, as an investment and to enrich your life, I highly recommend that you look for the original works of Eyvind Earle.

I can't wait for our new table...

Despite being married, we still have our yard sale dining table, and $20 IKEA chairs. Since Mark broke one of the chair's with his weight, we are now down to 3 chairs. And since we may host 7 people at our house for Christmas dinner, we decided to make a shopping trip and splurge on a new dining table and chairs.

It's scary thinking that our new table could keep us company for the rest of our married lives. My Mom is in her 60s and she still has her gorgeous, carved Cherrywood dining table and chairs, which she bought when she first got married. I absolutely love her dining table set, and I would wish that we could love our table equally as much. With this thought in mind, we went searching for iconic pieces of furniture.

Usually, Mark is the decorator of the family. (It may come as a surprise to some, but the artfully arranged doodads in our bathrooms are not my handiwork, but the handiwork of my husband's.) I am more of a stickler for form and proportion, though. I really like the "Jake" chair from Room and Board (left). I think they havean iconic shape that are reminiscent of the Charles and Ray Eames chairs from the mid-century. And at $79 each, they are pretty cheap, too.


We looked at some modern tables designed by Italian design house, Calligaris (left). When she thought the price might be too high for us, the sales person tried to hawk us some ugly, American designed crap that were supposed to be a close simile. We took one look at these tables, but decided they looked best next to a "lazy boy" armchair in the suburban Mid-west, and decided they weren't for us.

My favorite Calligaris design was the "Metropole" design (right), with it's retro legs. But Mark wasn't sure of the longevity of the design, or of how comfortable it would be to sit at the ends of the table. And since the table top wasn't even solid wood, and since the table was fairly pricey ($2k), we continued looking.

Finally, we came upon Room and Board, which has beautiful, Shaker inspired furniture with a modern twist. We found a simple, classic: The Rand Table (right), which we will never get tired looking at -- the table top appears as though it were floating on top of the legs. I was leaning towards something else, but Mark convinced me otherwise.

We also bought 6 white "Jake" chairs (above). Paired with our new table, I think our dining set will be a stunning combo.

P90X --I took a break, but I'm back

OK, so I didn't even finish 1 week of P90X before taking a break. But, I'm back now.

Today, I did pullups and pushups for 1 hour (Chest and Back). I was grunting at the end, so I'm pushing myself pretty hard, right? Then it was "Ab Ripper X", which is not getting any easier. The oblique exercises are just killing me. This was the worst session yet.

P90X - Legs and Back, Ab Ripper X

Today, I am feeling sore in my hamstrings and my back from overstretching some muscles during yesterday's yoga session.

After a long day at work today, I finished the "Legs and Back" program. The hardest parts were the seated wall poses and the chair pose. The "back" aspect of the program consisted of mostly pullups. I did pull downs with an elastic band - which wasn't very challenging,. Maybe I should invest in a pull up bar.

Although, it has been only one week, I feel a difference in my body already. And I feel great. After my stressful day at work, it was such a stress relief.

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In other news, I've locked down our refinance interest rate, which was disappointingly high.

I am saving the world at work, too. I was told repeatedly by the VP of R&D today that my project is the highest priority, and that I'll get any resources that I need. That makes me feel less motivated, and more scared. But I'll plod along like I always do, and I think I am doing a good job, and I can only do my best.

P90X Day 3 - Yoga X

So, let it be known that I have been doing yoga for years off and on. I think I'm pretty good. This Yoga X program kicked my butt. I had sweat dripping into my eyes, and the sun salutations just went on forever. I stopped the 1 1/2 hour program with 1/2 hour left to go to work on our house project. Then I had dinner, watched "Big Bang Theory", and before I knew it, it was 10:30 PM, and I did not find the energy to finish the program. Oh well. On to the next. Legs & Back and Ab Ripper X tomorrow.

Labor Day Las Vegas - The Food

So here, finally, is my write up on our brief trip in Las Vegas.

It has been a while since we have done any sort of traveling or vacationing. We have been working a lot on the house, and I was doing this self-discovery thing where I wouldn't actively seek entertainment or adventure until I got really, really bored. If you want to read more on that bit, you can, here.

Wanting to surprise my husband for his birthday (his birthday falls on the Labor Day weekend), I decided to surprise him with a cheap trip to Las Vegas. I got airplane tickets for ~$120 round trip, and hotel for ~$90/night, which is cheap for Labor Day weekend. (On a side note, a surprise trip is something that I want for my birthday, but not necessarily something that Mark wanted, but hey, I am not the most considerate gift giver.)

Well, as it turns out, the trip wasn't cheap at all. We spent a fortune on food, food and more food. When my husband got clued in to the fact that we were visiting Las Vegas (I couldn't keep it a surprise), he got excited about eating at Mario Batali's restaurants. He had thought that this goal was unattainable in his lifetime, as Batali's core restaurant is in New York City. But any "celebrity chef" worth his salt has a restaurant in Las Vegas. Well, I wanted to indulge in my husband's food dream, so we ate at not only one Batali restaurant, but two Batali restaurants, a Bobby Flay restaurant, and throw in Thomas Keller, too, for good measure.

A quick review of restaurants:

Batali Restaurant #1: B&B Ristorante

Mario Batali is known for his oversize personality and his oversize belly. He is one of the iron chefs in "Iron Chef America". What I remember most by his performance on "Iron Chef" was his preparation of a cheese dish that was stir fried in a wok made by a humongous round of parmesan cheese. This demonstrates to me Batali's gluttonous love for food and his subsequent great cuisine. This being said, and counter to Mark's experience, I was a little disappointed by my first Batali restaurant.

Mark had the Sardegna themed 4-course dinner (see picture), accompanied by a flight of wine. I had the pasta and tomato themed 4 course dinner (it tasted like our artisan tomato pastas that we prepare at home). The food was complex, and dare I say, overly intellectual? For example, I had a corn ice cream laced with chili pepper sauce, which was interesting at the very least. All in all, we spent a decadent $400 for both of us. I had had too much to eat and drink, and actually vomited in the ladies' room trash can! Just like the Romans back in their vomitariums!

Bobby Flay Restaurant: Mesa Grill

Although you may have a hard time imagining it, this restaurant demonstrated haute South Western American cuisine. The most memorable food we had was the shrimp appetizer, pork tenderloin in a spicy Southwestern sauce (see picture) and the churro with hot chocolate. The meal was excellent, and the restaurant deserves it's Michelin star. The price was decent as well, topping at around ~$150 for the both of us. Our experience was marred by the drunken pair of couples that sat next to us. There was no shortage of 4 letter words coming out of their mouths, and they made jokes about blow jobs and prostitution very loudly. Fortunately, I did not say anything to them, I was afraid to get beaten up!



Batali Restaurant #2: Carnevino

I am salivating just thinking of the juicy steaks that Mark and I had at Mario Batali's steak house. This was the best steak I've ever had, and possibly will ever have (and I have had my share of excellent food). Let me first set the scene: At the table next to us, were a couple of real dandies. These were young 20-something year old men wearing button down shirts in bright pastel stripe, their hair messed up artfully a la Hugh Grant. At the other table was a Hindu and two Caucasian friends. The Hindu mentioned to the waiter that he was about to try meat for the very first time in his life. The waiter did not skip a beat, and said, "well, this is a good place to try it." I wonder if the Hindu's meat lived up to his expectations. We were too immersed in our meal to observe.

We decided to have "La Fiorentina" ($70/person) which is a porterhouse steak for two prepared in the Florentine style (i.e. grilled rare to medium rare with a simple rosemary, salt and pepper seasoning, and then carved at your table). The steak was transcendent. I have had food that made me close my eyes in pleasure. I have had food that made me wonder at its complexity. But, I have never had food that made me want to tear up, and these steaks made me want to cry.

First of all, American cows don't have a lot of flavor. I am still not certain that if I were blind folded, and fed some beef, that I would be able to discern what it was. But these steaks were works of art in their artful charring on the outside and tenderness on the inside. And they were intensely flavored, but what was the flavoring? Mark argued that what we were tasting was the essense of cow. I argued that Batali must have dipped the steaks in bacon lard. Because what I was tasting was a little gamey, a little smokey, and scrumptious. Apparently, the meat cellar guy at Carnevino selects his meat alongside the USDA judge. The meat he chooses is beyond USDA prime grade in terms of marbling and flavor. I asked the waiter that we doggy bag the T-bone for later gnawing. They discreetly wrapped the bone in foil, and placed it in a little Carnevino shopping bag. And gnaw the bone I did the following morning in the hotel room!

Before I bore you to death, I just wanted to mention our transcendent side dishes and wine: bread with bacon lard and butter (yes, they served bacon grease with the bread, and it was to die for). Mashed potates with mascarpone cheese and "guanciale" (Italian bacon made from pig jowl), grilled octopus with chilies and citrus. I also had my first significant Barolo wine (from Piemonte), which is a light wine that tasted of strawberries. This wine broke my perception that Italian wine was not very good. So now, I think it can be good, but I am still not convinced that it is worth the price.

Thomas Keller's Bouchon Bakery:

Every morning, my husband dragged me to the other side of the Las Vegas strip so that we could have breakfast at Bouchon Bakery. Each morning, we ordered lattes, a pastry, and a spread of French macaroons. Mark is really into macaroons right now. Now, these aren't your ordinary coconut macaroons that we Americans are familiar with. These are fancy cookies, even by French standards (see picture). They come in all flavors, from vanilla, to coffee, fennel and raspberry. (In case you don't follow foodie current events, Thomas Keller is also the chef of the world famous French Laundry, and was also a consultant on the Disney film, Ratatouille.)

The Beginning of P90X - Plyometrics, Shoulder and Arms, and Ab Ripper X

As of yesterday, I have started the P90X workout program. My husband and his coworkers have been doing it. As a woman, I felt hesitant to try it at first. The workouts seemed a little militaristic. I prefer dancey, or body/mind programs like yoga, pilates, or Zumba. Also, the workouts seemed hard. I tried the first program, Chest and Back a few months ago, it's really a full hour of pushups and pullups, and I was so sore and intimidated, that I stopped for a while.

Well, now I am going to begin for real. My local gym shut down this past week. And I also found out that I gained 10 lbs over the last 8 months! This is like, 10% of my body mass! I thought I had been exercising a lot, but apparently, I need to rev it up a notch, so here I am.

Review so far:

Yesterday, I did the Plyometrics program as the opening of my program (I did not want to start with the suggested "Chest and Back" because I've already done it twice on separate occasions previously and I don't want to get bored). I managed to finish the whole thing, which is better than the first time I tried the program when I had to stop with 20 minutes to go. This time, I modified the jumps a little bit so that my feet barely left the ground, and I was able to finish it. But I was still out of breath and dripping with sweat. Today, my hamstrings and abductor muscles are feeling pretty sore. My calves are also feeling a bit tight.

Today, I did the "Shoulders and Arms" and the "Ab Ripper X" according to the program. I don't have a plethora of weights at my disposal, so I used my rubber band. Note to self, must wear sneakers. The band hurt my feet, and one time the cord slipped and snapped and hit me in the inner thigh. That hurt. The rubber band was hard to calibrate to get the right amount of repetitions (I am aiming for the 12 to 15 rep range). I am actually not certain that I worked my arms enough. But I won't be able to know until tomorrow when my muscles get sore. I had a bit of difficulty completing the Ab ripper X, which is a 15 minute blast of stomach exercises. But my stomach was sore from working abs 2 days ago. I have tried this program previously with my husband and I have been able to complete it in the past, due to my months and years worth of pilates training. (When I went to my gym, I used to also to to 1 hour of abs class, so that certainly helped as well.)

All in all, I am excited, and hopefully I can keep this up.

Beauty (Inside and Out)

I think I was at the airport on a business trip when I read this article. It was about looking, feeling and being beautiful. While taking the quiz in the article, I learned so much about who I think I want to become someday that I tore the pages out of the magazine to remember for myself. Take a look at this quiz. What answers do you have for each question?

Part I. Looking Beautiful
1. Select the body below that most closely corresponds to yours.

2. Then select the body you want (not the one that you think others might).

For the remaining questions, enter a number from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7 (strongly agree).
3. "I am happy with the way my face looks." ___
4. "There is nothing about my face that I would change, even if I could." ___
5. "I am happy with the skin on my face." ___
6. "I am happy with my hair and the way I take care of it." ___

Scoring: For questions 1 and 2 count the number of bodies between the two you picked: If there are 6 or 7 bodes, enter 1;
5 bodies, enter 3;
2 bodies, enter 12,
1 body, enter 15;
0 bodies, enter 18.
If you chose the same body (congratulations), enter 21.

Add that number to the numbers you gave to questions 3 though 6 ___

If your score is:
4 to 18: There's a lot about your appearance that bothers you. You probably feel bad whenever you look in the mirror. The truth is, although it may take work, there are many things you can do to improve your appearance.
19 to 30: You don't feel like putting a paper bag over your head, but you aren't thrilled with the way you look, either. It may be that you want to change your body, face, or hair-and you can, so it won't be ong before this score starts to go up.
31 to 39: Just because you may enjoy catching a glimpse of your reflection in a shop window, that doesn't mean there aren't a few upgrades you'd like to make.l
40 to 49: Frankly, we're suprirsed you had time to fill out this survey between modeling gigs. All we can say is, stay out of the sun, wear your seat belt, and keep your feet on the ground.

Part II: Feeling Beautiful
How true do you find these statements? Enger a number from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7(strongly agree).
7. "I have not felt any physical pain today." ___
8. "In a typical week, I don't feel any pain." ___
9. "I have the energy I need to do what I want to do." ___
10. "When I wake up in the morning, I feel energetic." ___
Scoring: Togal your answers from questions 7 through 10: ____

Interpreting the number
If your score is:
4 to 14: You may have chronic pain, which makes you feel tired. And because your body hurts, you can't exercise as much as you'd like, so you're dragging even more. Working to improve your health is important for you.
15 to 21: Sometimes you're relieved just to get through the day-certainly not a recipe for feeling radiant. There is a lot you can do to feel better and increase your energy level.
22 to 28: No tmuch keeps you from doing what you want to do . The trick is to maintain your good health.

Part III:
Being Beautiful:

11. In general, how happy or unhappy do you usually feel? Choose only one statement and write the letter here: ___
(a) Extremely happy: ecstatic, joyous, fantastic!
(b) Very happy: really good, elated!
(c) Pretty happy: spirits high, feeling good.
(d) Mildly happy: feeling failry good and somewhat cheerful.
(e) Slightly happy: just a bit above neutral.
(f) Neutral: not particularly happy or unhappy.
(g) Slightly unhappy: just a bit below neutral.
(h) Mildly unhappy: a little low.
(i)Pretty unhappy: somewhat blue, spirits down.
(j) Very unhappy: depressed, spirits very low.
(k) Extremely unhappy: utterly depressed, completely down.

How true are these statements? Enter a number from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7 (strongly agree).
12. "I'm satisfied with my life." ___
13. "If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing."
14. "I am very comfortable with myself." ___
15. "I perform well at many things." ___
16. "I find inner strength from my prayers, meditations, or quieting my mind." ___
17. "I believe that on some level my life is intimately connected to all of mankind." ___

Scoring: For question 11, choose the number that corresponds to the letter you picked. Write it here: ___

a) 11, (b) 10, (c) 9, (d) 8, (e) 7, (f) 6, (g) 5, (h) 4, (i) 3, (j) 2, (k) 1

Add this number to the answers from questions 12 through 17: ___

Interpreting the number:

If your score is:

7 to 19: You're not that happy with life-or yourself. Other people may be down on you, too. You might want to talk to a therapist or counselor if you aren't doing so already. Depression afects many people and can stop you from seeing your own beauty.

20 to 31: There are days when you think you could be happier and doing better at living up to your potential. You can definitely work on being more effective, and beautiful in the broadest sense of the word. You may also want to work on your spiritual health - there's good evidence it can increase your life satisfaction.

32 to 42: Overall, you feel pretty good about your place in the universe. Since you can still be hard on yourself, it's wise to work on making that hapen less often.

43 to 53: You have a lot of inner and outer beauty, which is why you're probably already continuing your quest for improvement.

Part IV: Understanding You

From the list below, pick the 5 characteristics that you think most accurately describe you. Since our greatest strengths are often invisible to us, you may want to get feedback from people who know you well.

______, _______, _______, _______, _______

Smart, Confident, Easygoing
Knowledgeable, Inventive, Moral
Honest, Organized, Rich
Excellent writer, Powerful, Sexy
Funny, Humble, Passionate
Empathetic, Reliable, Supportive
Great parent, Outgoing, Athletic
Excellent cook, Excellent caretaker, Very sexually active
Caring, Rational, Stylish
Gentle, Conventional, Wise
Musical, Personalbe, Famous
In excellent shape, Giver (of time or money), Loyal
Strict, Authentic, Unflappable
Capable, Unconventional, Independent
Watchful, Dependent, Leader
Entertaining, Neat, Monogamous
Great friend, Breadwinner, Content
High achiever at work, Holder of high standards, Inspiring
Artistic, Good-looking, Spontaneous
Excellent hostess, Politically active, Married/partnered

19. Now go back to the list and pick 5 words - the same or different - that describe the potential you, the person you'd ideally like to be.
_________, ________, _______, _________, ________

Scoring: Tally how many words overlap between the two lists you made. For each word that is the same, add 6 points (if no words overlap, you score is 0 points; if all 5 are the same, your score will be 30 points).

Interpreting the number

If your score is:

0: You are not the person you want to be. Fortunately the characteristics you circled are things you can change.

1 to 18: You've started to achieve your ideals but you have a lot more work to do.

19 to 30: You're well on your way. Keep it up.

Add your scores from each of the four sections to determine your "You-Q": The closer you are to your ideal. Your score tells you how good you feel about who you are. It also offers a sense of how well you've been able to address changes and challenges. When you feel that you're living to your full potential, you're at your most authentically beautiful.

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In the margins of the article, I had kept my score:

Part I: 37

This seems like a pretty high number. Despite the few extra pounds that I would like to lose, I guess I still have a pretty good physical self-image.

Part II: 17

This is a pretty average number. I need to work on my muscle tightness, which causes some pain. Also, I need to find more energy, somewhere. I'm not sure where.

Part III: 41

According to the quiz, this score reflects that I am pretty happy on average, so I was a little surprised. This number seems unusually high when taking into account that I was very unhappy at work when I took the quiz. Also, the number is higher than expected since I sometimes feel like I am not making the most of my life, and feel a void at times. However, it goes to show that in spite of the void one feels, I am generally a happy person.

Part IV: What I think I am: "Smart, Caring, Holder of high standards, Honest, Capable."

What I want to become: "Wise, Confident, Caring, Content, Capable"

I had a hard time choosing 5 words to describe myself, and an even harder time finding words to describe what I want to become. Looking back on these words, I think I would revise my choices:

Now, what I think I am: "Smart, Capable, Holder of high standards, Independent, Married/partnered."

Now, what I want to become: "Passionate, Holder of high standards, Independent, Unconventional, Confident"

I have a feeling that these words will continue to evolve...

I'm back...

Sorry, it's been so long since I've written in this blog. I have been on a sort of break. Well, in summary, I got laid off, got hired by another company in the following month, and well, it was a lot of change all at once. I didn't feel like blogging, or doing anything creative for that matter. I just wanted to sit, and take things in, let myself adapt to my new job for a while.

I told everyone that I was going to sit and do nothing until I got bored, which for people who have known me in recent years, is unusual behavior, since having adventures has been my goal in my late 20s and early 30s. However, when viewed in context of my entire life, being a boring coach potato is not so unusual. I have had years strung together where I didn't travel, didn't create anything, didn't feel passionate about anything at all. In the past 6 months, that has been what I have been feeling (or not feeling). I didn't feel particularly fond about anything, or excited to do anything in particular. I anesthetized myself by surfing the internet, playing video games (more on this at some poinjt), going to the gym.

Just a little more insight into my mental journey: being laid off is not fun. As much as I claimed that my self-esteem was unperturbed, being laid off is traumatizing. I wish I hadn't wasted my time at the company. I was miserable at the place, and was a fish out of water. However, I also realized how much more I needed to learn and improve, and I did learn and improve in some ways.

On the other hand, joining my new company has been a good/strenous experience. Within my first week at my new company, I felt like I had been there forever. I fit right in with my coworkers, and was back to doing the type of work I like, challenging medical device design. However, I felt like bursting into tears each week, and did. Because I was contract-to-hire, and the manager was inscrutable, I felt like I was walking on eggshells, which is not a good feeling coming off of a layoff, after which you are not feeling good about yourself anyway. The emotional stress of being a contractor was enough to lay me low for a while.

Fortunately, I was hired to full-time status recently. With the full-time hire, has come a subtle change in my work attitude. I have been working non-stop -- (is it to impress my boss? because I care that much?) I just haven't had time to have a life outside of work.

Finally, lately I've been experiencing a subtle spiritual shift. Part of this shift has been: instead of always seeking/achieving, maybe I should just enjoy life. My mantra these days is "to be in the moment", because maybe that is all there really is to life. (I don't want to always be yearning and find that I missed out on being happy.) Well, I'm a little sick of "being in my moment." What I am trying to figure out is how to strike a balance between enjoying my mundane coach potato life, and actually engaging with life. How to enjoy day to day existence yet, being passionate again, meeting new and interesting people and having interesting adventures.

Gratitude

Today, I am grateful for:

(1) Leading a good discussion at work today. Brought everyone on the same page.
(2) Having good, stimulating conversations.
(3) Making progress on painting the master bedroom. It feels good to have a project. Also, sleeping on the mattress in the living room is like having an extended sleepover party.

Gratitude Journal

I am trying to write everyday what I am grateful for. Today, I am grateful for:

(1) Today, I had a challenge that will test my wisdom and self-awareness. I am grateful to catch early on some negative seeds being planted regarding my attitude at my new work place. I will not let these negative seeds take root.
(2) The delicious homemade tangerine, blueberry and pomegranate smoothie that I made this evening. Pure antioxidants at work. I think I am going to make a healthy smoothie once or twice a week after we work out.
(3) Learnings I gained at work today that I was excited about.
(4) Moments of stillness that I had while jogging. I could smell jasmine in the air.
(5) Meaningful conversations I had with coworkers.
(6) The fact that I love my work, which is essentially designing.
(7) A kind of a humorous moment. I had a huge blueberry stain on my face from the smoothie I was drinking, and my husband didn't notice because he was too busy watching TV. Someday, I am going to where ketchup on my nose to see if he notices.

Gratitude Journal

Today, I am grateful:

(1) That we are doing such a good job saving money on food. We are cooking up a storm and eating up the leftovers. Today's leftovers: Greek Orzo salad, and homemade red Thai curry (not necessarily together).
(2) For learning a good lesson yesterday. I learned that I can be very harsh towards people who I assume are not curious about the world. I have already been trying not to be judgemental towards ignorant, or stupid people. But I should try to be open-minded on a whole different scale than I have previously; I should be patient and compassionate for sheltered, blindered people who don't want to perceive the view outside their own windows!
(3) For getting kudos for an engineering project of my own volition. In order to portray that an alternative was possible, I thought it best to show people a prototype. So, I spent the morning in the machine shop, snipping, drilling and gluing and came up with a prototype that surprised people with its simplicity and directness. Although the solution that I came up with doesn't work, I hope that it inspires other creative ideas.

Gratitude Journal

I read somewhere that gratitude is the antidote for the complaining mind. And my mind certainly complains. So here are some things I am grateful for:

(1) I am grateful for the wonderful weather. As of this very moment, I am writing outside on my patio, in shorts and a tank top. A glass of dry Reisling is at my side.
(2) I still feel joy when I see my husband's face after only a couple of hours of separation.
(3) I am glad that my body is healthy and strong. There are other women who do not have the time to exercise frequently as I do. I indulged today and spent 2 hours at the gym with an additional 45 minutes of stretching and cooldown.
(4) Did I mention I love the wonderful weather?
(5) I am thankful and grateful at being employed so quickly after being laid off.
(6) I am also grateful that I love the job, although I have only been there one month.

A Big Life

What does a big life entail? I am making a list of 100 things in hopes that they magically happen!

(1) Projects to be passionate about.
(2) To feel empowered and not be reined in creatively (at home and at work).
(3) To live bravely. (Think of the Gryffindors from the Harry Potter series.)
(4) To travel to places I have never been.
(5) To see things from a broad and worldly perspective.
(6) To be able to appreciate a broad range of oeuvres: music, painting, even math (yes math can be appreciated as an oeuvre)
(7) To always maintain my childish joy in life.
(8) To live without worrying about what other people think
(9) Do something that makes you feel a little bit of fear on a daily basis.
(10) To gracefully bear with the pain that life sometimes has to offer. To not live in the shadows due to fear of life's pain.
(11) To live, questioning convention.
(12) To be rebellious.
(13) To separate oneself from the rat race of acquiring more and more materials.
(14) To separate oneself from the "Keeping up with the Joneses" competition.
(15) To see with my own eyes Big Nature: Grand Canyon, Everest, underwater
(16) To not have a "small town" attitude.
(17) To continue to feel great love.
(18) To continue to feel with exuberance.
(19) To be exuberantly generous.
(20) Try interesting food.
(21) Having interesting and fascinating friends and aquaintances.
(22) To live big, but with wisdom and grace.
(23) Having interesting ideas and discussions.
(24) To have high standards for quality.
(25) To live life with a tolerant attitude.

It's funny, but these are things that not all people wish for. A lot of people strive for wealth. Some people (like my husband) strives for a feeling of inner peace. There are yet others who strive for social status. Kind of funny in a way... To be continued...

Low Frustration Tolerance

This really isn't a blog entry about anything. Rather it's just a snitty little reflection on the things that are going on in my life currently.

A friend once commented regarding work frustration: "It's about how much you are willing to change yourself in order to adapt to work, versus how much you can't compromise yourself." This is a decision that has faced me in my career.

I visited some old coworkers, and they listed out their work frustrations. Up til then, I had been looking back nostalgically upon this place. But listening to one of them rant about the same old problems that had plagued us more than a year ago, and realizing that nothing had changed, and things had gotten worse, I was reminded why I no longer work at this place.

I guess what I am trying to say is I have a low tolerance for frustration. When it comes down to the question of how much am I willing to change for work, the answer is only "somewhat". This has led me to move from work place to work place, sometime of my own volition, sometime not, as in the most recent case. But I have had some very interesting career challenges, as a result of my low frustration tolerance, and that I do not regret.

Chicken Tikka Masala

This recipe is from The Best of America's Test Kitchen Best Recipes and Reviews 2009. It's pretty good. See my comments below in blue.

Chicken Tikka

• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 1/2 tsp ground coriander
• 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1 tsp salt
• 2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breasts, trimmed (I used drumsticks and thighs)
• 1 cup plain whole milk yogurt (I thought this was a waste of yogurt - try 3/4 cup)
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 2 garlic cloves (minced)
• 1 tablespoon grated fresh ginger (ginger is difficult to grate since it gets stuck in the grater, try a mini-food processor)

Masala Sauce

• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 onion, minced
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 tsp grated fresh ginger
• 1 serrano chile, minced (I used thinly sliced)
• 1 tablespoon tomato paste
• 1 tablespoon garam masala
• 1 (28 oz) can crushed tomatoes (I used 1/5 less tomatoes and it was fine)
• 2 tsp sugar
• salt to taste
• 2/3 cup heavy cream
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro

1. For the Chicken: Combine the cumin, coriander, cayenne and salt in a small bowl. Sprinkle evenly on chicken. Refrigerate for 30-60 minutes.

2. For the sauce: Heat the oil in a large Dutch oven over medium heat until shimmering. Add the onion and cook, stirring frequently until light golden (8-10 minutes). Add the garlic, giner, chile, tomato paste, and garam masala; cook until fragrant, about 3 minutes. Add the tomatoes, sugar, and 1/2 tsp salt; bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium low, cover, and simmer 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in the cream and return to a simmer. Remove the pan from the heat and cover to keep warm.

3. While the sauce simmers, adjust an oven rack to the upper-middle position (about 6 inhces from the heating element and heat the broiler). (No wonder my chicken took twice as long. My rack was in the dead middle of the oven.) Using tongs, dip the chicken into the yogurt mixture (the chicken should be coated with a thick layer of yogurt) and arrange on a wire rack set in the foil lined, rimmed baking sheet or broiler pan. (You don't need a wire rack, you can lay your chicken directly on the foil lined sheet.) Broil for 10-18 minutes flipping the chicken halfway through cooking. The exterior should lightly charred in parts. (It took 18 minutes to char on each side if you put the rack in the dead center of the oven.) The chicken should read 160 degrees at its thickest parts.

4. Let the chicken rest 5 minutes, then cut into 1 inch chunks and stir into the warm sauce. Stir in the cilantro, season to taste with salt, and serve.

Aloo Gobi Recipe

Here is the original recipe as posted here with my comments below in blue.

1 small head phool gobhi--cauliflower, chopped into florets and washed (don't chop, tear up with hands)
3 quick cooking potatoes, (they must be the kind that cook in 20 minutes, not the baking kind that take an hour) cut into small cubes and soaking in water (I used 2 small yellow potatoes)
1 small onion sliced
4 garlic cloves cut into slivers
1 tsp crushed fresh ginger
1 tsp whole cumin seeds (substituted with ground cumin)
1/2 tsp turmeric
1/2-1 tsp red chili powder
1 heaping tsp ground cumin
1 stick cinnamon
3-4 cardamon pods
2 bayleaves
5 black pepper corns
5 cloves (all of these whole spices come together in your small packet of whole garam masala in small quantities to make it easy for you)
2-3 whole red dried chilies (I used one medium dried ancho chile)
2 fresh green chilies cut in bite sized chunks (de-seed if u like) (I used 1 sliced serrano pepper)
2 tablespoons of roughly chopped fresh cilantro
1/2-1 tsp garam masala powder
2 tablespoons oil
salt to taste

Heat oil in wok until very hot. Add in the whole red chilies, the cumin seeds, the bay leafs, cloves, pepper corns, cardamon, cinnamon stick, and fry around for about 1 minute.

Then add in the onions, garlic, ginger. Fry until onions look translucent and garlic looks crispy.

Then add in the turmeric, red chili powder, and cumin powder. Let this sizzle for one moment, then add in the potato cubes. They must still be wet from soaking in water...this creates steam to help them cook. Stir around well for a few minutes, getting the masala color on them.

Then lower heat to medium and cover. Leave for 10 minutes, stirring a couple of times to prevent bottom sticking.

Then turn up the heat and add in the gobhi---it helps if you gobhi is a tad wet from being washed as well. Stir again coating in the masala oil. You should add your salt now, too.

Then lower heat to medium again and cover for about 10-15 more minutes, stirring occasionally. By now the potato and cauliflower are both cooked, and it is done. They should be fully cooked, but slightly crisp. Definately not mushy and falling apart. Now add the pinch of ground garam masala and the chopped green chilies. With the heat off, cover again and allow the green chilies to steam a bit for a few minutes. Then uncover, add in the chopped cilantro garnish, and serve.

Kitchen Inspirations

We are thinking about renovating our kitchen. The kitchens that I seem to gravitate towards are contemporary kitchens that are minimalist but still warm. The upper cabinets above echo the latest trend towards horizontal rather than vertical lines. Notice also the spareness of the cabinet fronts themselves. There is an absence of routing or any other details. I also like the vertical brick tilework on the backsplash, which is reminiscent of old tilework (which I love), yet looks modern at the same time.

I don't think of myself as the minimalist type. I usually gravitate towards bright colors. But the above kitchen I feel I could look at and never grow tired of its simple elegance. There is luxury in its spareness.

An example of a kitchen with traditional and modern styles blended together can be seen above. It is also an example how cheaper, painted cabinets can create as much of a visual impact as trendier finished wood cabinets.

This is the most modern of the kitchen images that I liked. The avocado green also goes well with our general color scheme. I am also fond of the high-gloss look of the bottom cabinetry. I would also choose upper wood cabinets with a more subtle pattern.

Christmas in Calistoga, Part II

View from Joseph Phelps Winery

Our second day in Napa was all about food and wine-tasting. We started at Duckhorn Vineyards, which had a lovely tasting room, but the wines were not very good, even their reserve wines. Mark's nose wasn't working, so I had to do most of the discernment. Since Mark is much more knowledgeable about wines than I am, but since his nose was out of commission, I had to take my job very seriously, and took profuse notes.

Our next stop was Joseph Phelps. If you like wine, I HIGHLY recommend going to this winery. Joseph Phelps is famous, although we knew virtually nothing about it going in. Their "Insignia" wine, which is a red wine blend, continually gets 94-96 points from Wine Spectator and Robert Parker. And at $100, it is considered to be more affordable than other cult reds with comparable scores, such as Screaming Eagle. Also, their 2002 Insignia wine won the #1 Bottle of the Year from Wine Spectator for 2005. Meaning: it was ranked the best bottle of wine in the whole world for that year.

But we knew nothing about all of that. We meandered up a hilly road for a good 5 minutes before arriving at a large barn house in the middle of a pastoral scene. For $20, you get to taste 6 incredible Joseph Phelps and Fogdog (sister winery) wines, including their famous Insignia wine, on their beautiful outdoor terrace. The terrace has some of the best views of Napa period. The price of the tasting is worth the solitude and the view. The Insignia wine that we tasted was excellent of course, but for $100, just a bit too steep for our budget. We ended up buying their low end 2006 Fogdog Chardonnay and their 2005 Joseph Phelps Merlot.

Beaulieu Vineyards (affectionately known as BV) has been our consistent visit through the years. Mark collects their Beauzeaux red wine reserve blend every year, so we bought a case of this year's offering (named Fideaux this year).

William Hill was our final stop of the day. A friend gave us a wonderful bottle of William Hill reserve Chardonnay as a gift, and it was probably the best Chardonnay I have ever tasted in my life. We bought two of the William Hill 2006 Reserve Chardonnay.

What to Wear/When to Go

If you've never been to Napa Valley before, here is some information to get you going. Any time of year is suitable for visiting Napa, but I find Fall and Winter particularly nice times to go. February is a great month to bring a loved one because, not only is it romantically apropos for Valentine's day, but the vineyards are scattered with yellow mustard seed flowers, so it is very scenic. It is also warmer in Napa by a few degrees than in San Francisco Bay Area, so it isn't necessary to wear a coat.

Dress in Napa is very casual. Most people wore jeans, warm fleeces, and comfortable shoes. The light in Napa is so fantastic that everyone glows and looks beautiful, inspite of their casual wear.

Information for all Stops Mentioned:

NapaStyle
6525 Washington St.Yountville, CA
(707) 945-1229
Hours: Monday thru Saturday: 10am - 6pm
Sunday: 10am - 5pm

Bouchon Bakery
6528 Washington Street
Yountville, California 94599
Phone: 707.944.2253
Open everyday, 7:00am to 7:00pm

Dr. Wilkinson's Hot Springs Resort
1507 Lincoln Ave. Calistoga, CA 94515
Phone: (707) 942-4102
Spa Treatments: 8:30 am - 3:45 pm

Duckhorn Vineyards
1000 Lodi LaneSt. Helena, California 94574
Phone: 888-354-8885
Daily: 10 am -4 pm

Joseph Phelps Vineyards
200 Taplin Road St Helena 94574
Tastings are by appointment only (although you can sneak in)
tel: (707) 963-2745
Mon-Fri: 9 am- 5 pm
Sat, Sun: 10 am- 4 pm

William Hill
1761 Atlas Peak Rd Napa CA
Tastings are by appointment only
Phone 707-265-3024
Daily: 10:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m

Beaulieu Vineyards
1960 St. Helena Highway Rutherford, CA 94573
Toll free: 800-373-5896
Daily: 10:00 a.m.-5:00 p.m

Christmas in Calistoga

Here is some perspective on how the recession has shaped our travel plans this year:

Dream holiday:
Diving cruise in Palau, drinking kava and visiting the mantas in Yap

Reality:
2 day holiday in Calistoga over Christmas break

Over Christmas break, we usually fly either to Chicago or Seattle to spend time with our families. This year, our flights were cancelleddue to the stormy weather. Rather than finding an alternate way up North, we decided to save our pocketbooks by staying home over the holidays. Well, I put a lot of importance on my vacation days, and insisted that we do something different with our time off. We ended up in beautiful Calistoga, where we got to soak in the thermal mud baths for the first time, and also had a fun time noshing and tasting wines around Napa.

We began our sojourn poking around in Yountville in Napa Valley. We visited one of our favorite chefs, Michael Chiarello's new store, NapaStyle. At NapaStyle, as in everywhere else in Napa, exotic salts are the latest thing. I took a shot of Mark posing in front of a display of pink Hawaiian salt crystals. We didn't buy a thing other than a panini at the in-store cafe, but enjoyed the beautiful store.



Excited and inspired by all of the foodie things to buy at the store, we later entered Bouchon Bakery, where we had two delectable pastries, and Mark bought an enormous loaf of bread. I'm not sure what Mark was thinking by buying a loaf the size of a young toddler, but I have long ago abandoned reining Mark in when it came to his gourmet treats.

With the bread as a third passenger in the back seat, and with the top down on our Mini Convertible, we bombed our way down the Silverado Trail to make our 2:30 thermal mud appointments in Calistoga. Dr. Wilkinson's Hot Springs Resort is considered to be the best spa value in the Napa Valley. For around $300, we got a motel room in the resort, mud baths, hot springs and massages for the both of us. Not a bad deal. With the resort's unpretentious '50s style motel architecture, and the institutional look of the spa interior, I could see why the treatment was on the cheaper end of the spectrum.

After rinsing off in the shower, you are summoned into a large stone bath filled with warm mud. Floating in the mud was like floating in warm jello. The mud had a very gelatinous consistency, but with small pieces of moss fibers thrown in. They pile mud on top of you all the way up to your neck, cover your face with a facial mixture, and put cucumber slices over your eyes. I enjoyed floating in the mud, and playing around by squeezing and flailing in the mud around me. Too soon, the mud bath was over. We were asked to shower off the mud, and immerse ourselves in a bath full of hot springs water while the ladies hosed down the room of excess mud(institutional, right?). I didn't think the hot springs water was any different than any other warm water. Except afterwards, my hair felt like it does after a day at the beach, except the saltiness and stiffness is multiplied by 20X. The massage itself was so-so. But I am more used to being pummeled than being treated to the soft sensual style of Swedish massage.


The spa treatment alone was worth it just to see the look on Mark's face after the treatment since Mark is not much of a spa-goer. Mark looked very relaxed and pink. Mark's impressions:

"All I could think about when I was in the mud bath was that I wanted to scratch my face but could not because of all of the stuff they lathered on my face. I almost fainted several times while in the hot springs due to the heat. The massage was all right. All of the other guys in the spa were quiet. I think they were there accompanying their girlfriends."

After the treatment, we wandered around Calistoga, had dinner (middling pasta) and called it an early night.

To be continued...

This morning, I am grateful for

• People who love me despite my flaws
• Being tough enough to look at myself and gain insight into how I create bad situations for myself
• Experiencing the pure clean morning air in the warmth of my fuzzy sweatpants and sweatshirt
• Having a partner who helps me grow better as an individual
• Being wiser and more temperate than I used to be

2008 Year in Review

From a very early age, I have asked myself: "How can I make something of my life?" This question has given me much angst in my life (as I am sure it has for others), so much so that I have spent many nights staring up at the ceiling, and have resorted to such measures as going to meditation retreats and such. I think this past year, I have mellowed out. Or is it that I have all but given up?

When I was little, I had such high hopes. I wanted to be so many different things. The occupations that I always came back to were the following:

(1) Marine biologist

(2) Archaeologist

(3) Architect for building in outer space or underwater

(4) Paleontologist

(My mother claims that after watching dance shows at Radio City Music Hall in New York City at age 7, that I wanted to be a Rockette. But I don't ever remember having such an ambition. I do remember practicing the can-can endlessly, however.)

So where does this leave me now? And realistically will it ever change?

I am a mechanical design engineer. I have always worked in creative, even artistic environments. At my current place of work, my design interests are encouraged to expand into interior design/Christmas card design/web design. The engineering projects are challenging, interesting and always different.

It seems as though my early interest in science (see occupations #1, 2 and 4 above) has found satisfaction later in life, albeit in the engineering field. And some how, my early proclivity towards creativity and designing (see occupation #3 above) has also found an outlet, in the design of plastic injection molded parts and creation of new products.

So what's wrong? I should be grateful. Exactly.

It there is something to tweak in my career it would be to lean more towards projects that benefit the environment or people in some way. Ideally, I would like to work on alternative energy projects, and underwater robotics. I am pretty sure this can be achieved if I put my mind to it. But what I am working on now ain't half bad. The majority of my projects have been medical devices designed to save lives, if not improve life drastically. And just recently, I have been working on consumer products, which I have never worked on before, and also complex mechanisms that I have never witnessed before.

What pained me the most in previous years was feeling a lack of recognition and feeling unfairly treated. But this past year, I started to lose the bitterness: (1) life is unfair sometimes, (2) get over yourself as quickly as possible, (3) my true aim is to help the world, (4) feel gratitude.

Which leads me to all of the things that I should be grateful for, but that are so easy for me to overlook:

This year I got married after many months in 2008 of planning. Many people approached me and stated they had a great time. Admittedly, the wedding was imaginative and different, featuring an underwater wedding ceremony, beach barbeques, relaxed dress code and setting, and an island atmosphere. I enjoyed it too, despite being a bit stressed. I can't wait until someone else has a destination wedding, so that I can completely relax and enjoy. In retrospect, I would have rather saved the money that was spent towards the wedding, but many years from now, I can look back on the memories fondly, as I look back on my friends' weddings fondly. Also, married life is good. If there is something that I am grateful for it is that.

Also, this past year was a great year for friendships. I feel surrounded and supported by good friends. In some cases, friendships were revived after a few years of coldness. In other cases friendships persist in spite of distances. And old friendships continue to comfort. With family, too, relationships are strengthening, and I hope they continue to strengthen. Perhaps this is a sign that I am wisening up. If I continue to show the warmth that is inside my heart to others, and if I try to demonstrate tolerance, and care for others, I think this trend will continue to move forward instead of backwards. A warm gesture on a daily basis can certainly make someone else's day just a little brighter, and my own too.

This leads me to discuss the new year's resolutions. As I mentioned before, I want to "get over myself as quickly as possible", i.e. develop my emotional resilience. There are studies that show that happier people get over breakups faster than naturally depressed people. People who can get over flashes of anger faster, are better adjusted than those who cannot (read "Social Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman if you want to learn more). Emotional resilience is not something that I have in abundance. Also, it would be a fun little project for me to work on. If I ever feel pissed off, I can tell myself to get over it as part of my own self development.

Other things that I want to work on:

(1) increase tolerance and minimize judgement of others

(2) listen to my gut

(3) care for others and focus less on myself

(4) be better with finances

(5) be more eloquent

(6) exercise my brain on occasion, maybe know world affairs

(7) continue to write on a frequent basis

Well, that's it for now. What are your new year's resolutions?

Cave in the Snow

"Cave in the Snow" is the biography of Tenzin Palmo, a British woman, who became a Tibetan Buddhist nun at an early age. In her attempt to seek enlightenment, she endured 12 years in solitary isolation in a barren cave in the Karakoram mountains. For 12 years, she slept upright in a 2' X 3' "meditation box", endured cold, wild animals, and near starvation.

Surprisingly, I found this book to be a real page turner. It was an uplifting book, and accessibly written by Vicki Mackenzie. I got a real sense for Tenzin Palmo's vibrant, spirited personality. She does not have the hermit-like personality one would think she would have for isolating herself in a cave for 12 years.

The book was also eye-opening. I gained insight into the makeup of a person who is more spiritually inclined than the rest of us. Tenzin Palmo was exceptionally single-minded in pursuing her spiritual goals, more inclined to break societal expectations, and felt more passionately towards Buddha and her gurus than the rest of us. Through her eyes, I got a sense for how spiritually barren our Western society is compared to the impoverished areas of Northern India where she spent many of her years. We are surrounded my material goods, but are still depressed and lost for all of our material goods, wondering, "What is the meaning of life?" In reading about Tenzin's Tibetan Buddhism learnings, I also gained a surface impression of the depth and learning of certain Buddhist practices, as well as the superficiality of other Buddhist practices.

I found the book's message to be uplifting as well. After all of her soul searching, Tenzin Palmo came to the conclusion that all religions seek the same spiritual goal, which is to be "live in the moment". Also, we don't have to retreat into a cave to progress spiritually. We can spend 15 minutes a day in the grocery line, washing dishes, or cleaning to calm the chatter in our minds and to attempt being in the present. This book has inspired me to learn more about meditation and its benefits, and more about Buddhist philosophy.