Why Me? and other January Tales

The month of January was a rough one. I came into the new year fired up on a project, one which had real impact on the company, and one which I would demonstrate ownership and leadership in changing how we performed engineering. I did a fairly good job of gathering information and getting peoples' opinions and assimilating them into a proposal to be presented to higher management. When it came to making a final proposal to management, however, I bombed! I was completely tongue tied. Frankly, I made a fool of myself. Unfortunately, I think my manager lost a little faith in me after my poor presentation. I would go so far to say that he attributed the results of my work to the more senior members who were involved with the project, and not me at all.

Later, I had to tackle an important engineering problem. Unfortunately, I really frustrated my boss for being slow. He had tried giving me greater leeway to perform my own investigation. Unfortunately, my boss's goals and mine were not aligned, so I ended up being late on delivering the work. Also, I received some negative attention from the CEO who wondered if I was the right person for that job, and whether they needed to hire a consultant. Well, my manager told me this story in an attempt to light a fire under my ass, and I attribute it as such. However, it is always hard to pick yourself up and perform after being told such a story.

Anyways, the point of this story is that everyone goes through a period or rough patch where they ask themselves, "Why me?", and they firmly believe that the world is out to get them. That is the way that I feel sometimes. And it is hard to convince myself, sometimes, that I am not receiving the short end of the stick, or being the target of some poor treatment. Although the latest spiritual gurus and psychology experts claim that you aren't the center of the universe, and that noone is targeting you, I AM beginning to think that some people do attract more ill will from people than others due to their being less socially or politically skilled, being meek, or just with their plain being so brilliant as to incur the jealousy of everyone else.

Case in point: Hillary Clinton. I am in the process of reading Hillary Clinton's autobiography, "Living History", which she wrote about her life up to her winning the senatorship of New York. The number of attacks from the right wing on this lady was unprecedented, and was certainly directed at Hillary specifically. I think that perhaps Hillary's brilliance had something to do with how vilified she was (we all know how mysognistic this society is). However, I also think she was the target because she was obviously wounded and embittered, and bitter people attract bad luck. The enemy likes to kick you when you're down.

I wish that someone could tell me that I am wrong about my theory that some people are more targetted than others, at least in my case.

Marie Antoinette - Book and Film Review

What most people think of when they hear the name, Marie Antoinette, are opulent dresses, cluelessness at the plight of the impoverished ("Let them eat cake") and her ultimate fate under the guillotine.

"Marie Antoinete - The Journey", by Antonia Fraser portrays the French Queen less as a villain, but more sympathetically, as a carefree teenager whose response to the overwhelming pressures that she felt was to revel in her famously hedonistic lifestyle. She was vilified by the French as being sex-crazed and completely ignorant of the poor, but the author argues that she was actually the opposite -- she was prudish, and compassionate towards the impoverished.

I don't usually read a lot of histories, but this book kept me riveted with the strange goings-on in Marie Antoinette's life. Did you know that she and her husband, Louis XVI did not consummate their marriage until 4 years after they were married? Did you know there was a complete lack of privacy for the royals -- that lay people were free to wander around inside the palace, and had to be rooted out routinely? This book is just full of interesting tidbits.

As well as recommending the book, I recommend seeing the movie, Marie Antoinette, which is based on the aforementioned book. The film, which was directed by Sofia Coppola, is famous for blending the historical events of Marie Antoinette's life with a 90's pop soundtrack including the Cure, and Souxsie and the Banshees. I especially appreciated the riotous art direction with its sumptuous pastel gowns and endless pastries. I especially appreciated the scene in which Marie Antoinette, and her fellow young cohorts decide to party all night and stay up to watch the dawn. (This actually happened, according to the book.) In summary, the movie made me nostalgic for high school, Sofia Coppola did such a good job with portraying adolescence, albiet as French royalty.

2010 New Year's Resolutions

1. Watch less TV, play less video games, surf the internet less. Generally, get my butt off the sofa more.

2. Stretch my lower back and shoulder more. These spots are giving me grief.

3. Continue to make exercise a habit.

4. Begin to think about what it means to grow older and come to terms with it. These are one of the things I fear the most -- getting older, and being perceived as old. Thank goodness I don't look any age at all with my asian face.

5. Continue with my spiritual and psychological development.

6. Take better care of my skin.

7. Do new things. Plan more events with friends.

8. Dare I say it? Travel more? Will it happen with my dwindled finances and few vacation days?

9. Continue to acquire a stylish wardrobe!

10. Survive work in 2010 with my sanity intact, which promises to be the make or break year