Annoying Friends and Napa Wine Tasting

A couple of days ago, I wrote about being in the company of people I liked and how happy that made me feel.

Well, being in the company of "friends" doesn't always feel good. In fact it can be downright negative. Have you ever heard of the term, "with friends like that, who needs enemies?" Sometimes you can't stand to be around a particular friend for years at a time. Sometimes a friend who is a pain in your side one week is your best friend another week.

I guess I'm beating around the bush a little bit. A couple of weekends ago, I hung out with a couple of old friends I hadn't seen in a long time. We went to Napa Valley to do some wine tasting. One of them was working in Seattle and had never gone wine tasting before. And since I had gone previously on many an occasion, I acted as guide. By the end of the 15 hours we spent together I was infuriated and couldn't wait to get out of that situation.

We started on the wrong foot away. I don't remember having ever having to stop so frequently to grab a bite to eat. Within the first 3 hours of our little excursion, we had already eaten 3 meals! The first was coffee and a pastry before we even started driving to Napa. At the gas station half an hour later, my friend's brother stopped off at the taco stand. One hour after that, it was lunch at Rutherford Grill. And we had only done a single cursory wine tasting until then. As the elected "guide", I couldn't complain. People have different ways of enjoying Napa than how Mark and I enjoy Napa. We are used to taking a less gluttonous approach. We bike from winery to winery. We grab various crudites from the local market and snack on cold meats, cheese and bread at each winery. Perhaps I am a bit set in my ways? I was ready to be open minded.

Soon afterward began an endless pedantic discourse, all from one person, for 15 hours! The conversation was almost designed to make me feel stupid. I asked the meaning of a couple of ammunition and armory terms when they were talking about guns. (I didn't grow up around guns as a city girl in liberal Chicago, so forgive my ignorance.) Soon afterwards, this person began informing me what terms meant, even when I was already familiar with the term, and never solicited an explanation. I was shocked at being treated in this chauvinist manner.

Unfortunately, I am not very good at comebacks. I did manage to inform this person in a very withering tone that I was already familiar with the ancient Angkor Wat ruins, when he turned to me, the sole girl in the group, to explain what Angkor Wat was, even though I had not asked for his explanation. And I did go so far as to explain that Angkor Wat is in Cambodia, not in Thailand, as this person had implied.

On top of the pedantry, there were several condescending remarks made towards things that I had expressed a liking for and general snobbery all around. I am saddened at this negative change in my friend since I had known him in college. I don't think that his negativity was directed at me, but stems from a personal blockage of his own. But I do think I need to work on my comeback skills. I also want to search for more tolerance and sagacity on how to deal with such people without hating myself afterward. Mark thinks that some of the problems stemmed from not hanging out with these friends on a more regular basis- that had I been hanging out with them more frequently, that I would be more used to their idiosyncracies. Could that be so?