I have been reading a lot about self-compassion lately. In this competitive world, it pays to love oneself. We have too much criticism and stress leveled at ourselves from external factors to NOT be compassionate with ourselves. I found this self-compassion quiz that I took to score myself in self-compassion.
Below are my own scores for self-compassion on a scale of 1 to 5. At my score of 2.01, I am considered to be low in self-compassion. High scores in self-judgement, isolation and over-identification contribute to my low score. It's obvious what self-judgement means. I am pretty certain what "isolation" means in context of this self-compassion test - it means how alone one feels in their own suffering. But I am not sure of what over-identification means. Perhaps it means how correlated one's sense of self is with one's failings.
Self-kindness: 1.8
Self-judgement: 4.0
Common humanity: 1.5
Isolation: 4.0
Mindfulness: 3.25
Overidentification: 3.5
Overall score: 2.01
I also found this self-compassion exercise on the same website where I found the quiz. Here are my responses to its' questions:
What types of things do you typically judge and criticize yourself for (appearance, career, relationships, parenting, etc.)?
I usually judge myself for my career. I always feel like I am so old, yet not very far in my career. I haven't climbed the corporate ladder very far, despite being intelligent, and hardworking. Sometimes, I feel insecure about not getting enough accomplished, and I tell myself that I am lazy, or lacking in common sense or smarts. Sometimes, I feel critical of myself for saying the wrong thing or having poor social skills. I suppose that other people criticize themselves for other things, like their appearance, or their parenting. I don't usually feel this way and even think that appearance concerns are rather superficial. The fact that I can trivialize other peoples' insecurities puts my own insecurities in perspective. Perhaps my insecurities are shallow and inconsequential, or at least smaller than I think they are.
What type of language do you use with yourself when you notice some flaw or make a mistake (do you insult yourself, or do you take a more kind and understanding tone)?
I tend to think that I am all alone in being the failure that I am. I tend to tell myself that everyone else is so perfect, and are so much more successful than I am. I tend to ask why I am always the victim of hardship, and why does this always have to happen to me. The tone of voice that I use with myself is frustration, disappointment and disgust with myself. I want to ask myself: "why can't you be better? Why am I such a loser?"
When you are being highly self-critical, how does this make you feel inside?
Obviously, I feel terrible. I get a knot in my abdomen, and I feel like my legs and arms are numb. I feel depressed, and I can't sleep or eat. I can't appreciate the beauty that I see, or the flavor of the food that I eat. Being self-critical makes me feel sad, depressed, hopeless. I feel so hopeless sometimes that I don't see a point in living.
When you notice something about yourself you don’t like, do you tend to feel cut off from others, or do you feel connected with your fellow humans who are also imperfect?
I tend to feel very isolated from others. I tend to think that everyone else is perfect and have never suffered as I have. I tend to feel more alone and uniquely a failure in whatever I am suffering at that moment.
What are the consequences of being so hard on yourself? Does it make you more motivated and happy, or discouraged and depressed?
I tend to feel discouraged and unmotivated. It is easy to imagine, that I might be more effective at turning things around had I been less hard on myself.
How do you think you would feel if you could truly love and accept yourself exactly as you are? Does this possibility scare you, give you hope, or both?
I think it would feel absolutely liberating to truly love myself as I am. It gives me hope. I think it would be easy, too! I just need to remind myself when I am down on myself to love myself no matter what, and to be kind to myself. I think the next time I am depressed or down on myself, it would be good to remind that the core of my being is not reflected by the sum of my accomplishments, but is deeper than that and is rather disembodied from my accomplishments, appearance, even my personality, likes and dislikes..
How do you treat yourself when you run into challenges in your life? Do you tend to ignore the fact that you’re suffering and focus exclusively on fixing the problem, or do you stop to give yourself care and comfort?
When I am confronted with life's difficulties, I tend to be kind to myself. I get hugs from my husband, I take naps, and read. I do things that I know will help me feel better about myself, like exercise, cooking, or housework, and avoid things that I know will make me feel terrible: like video games, or something indulgent like shopping. But I do also try to solve my problems. I usually have a plan of action in a few days.
Do you tend to get carried away by the drama of the situation, so that you make a bigger deal out of it than you need to, or do you tend to keep things in balanced perspective?
I try to keep a balanced perspective. But I also tend to see the worst. I know that my tendency to see the worst will not help me because we tend to manifest what we expect in our heads. I try to think that my suffering is insignificant compared to what is happening in the country, in the world - that the universe is so much bigger than my own woes..
Do you tend to feel cut off from others when things go wrong, with the irrational feeling that everyone else is having a better time of it then you, or do you get in touch with the fact that all humans experience hardship in their lives?
When I suffer, I get the feeling that everyone else is far more successful, and happier than I am. As I want to become more self-compassionate, I need to remind mself that all human beings have hardship in their lives. Any watcher of TV will see every day people suffering in far more dramatic ways than I am. Take for example any competition reality TV show like "America's Top Model" or "So You Think You Can Dance" and you will see all sorts of suffering from failure.
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